Young Adult

Chapter fourty - The future

I woke up happy to be serene in Ezra's arms, it's been awhile where I've been confident in myself, it might've been over six years if I include past me.

Ezra still looks good like every morning though, his curls prominent once again - I wish that he wouldn't straighten it anymore. "Morning" Ezra kissed my forehead as he woke up, "morning" I smiled back.

"Oh yeah, there was one thing that I wanted to talk about with you about now that we've decided to move on and not focus on getting your memories back." I sleepily awaited what the subject was.

"When do you want to have kids?"

My eyes became wide open and I shot up from lying down, "w-what" I embarrassedly stammered. "We talked about this before we got married, but we need to talk again since, you know." Ezra also looked embarrassed.

"And the perfect time for this was in the morning before work." I asked sarcastically, Ezra shot me an unimpressed look, "we can have this talk later but we should talk about it sooner rather than later."

I looked at him confused, "I don't know, I never really thought about having kids, I'm only eighteen what's the rush?" It was hard just getting through that without wanting to die from embarrassment. "You're almost twenty five not eighteen and I'm nearing thirty." Ezra replied.

"We're both very young though, we don't need this talk right now." I tried to get up but Ezra grabbed my hand, "we don't need to try right away, but I've always wanted kids as soon as my career was nothing to worry about."

I sighed, hoping that Ezra would reply differently than to how I knew that he would, "so is it a dealbreaker if I don't want kids soon?" Ezra paused before answering, "no as long as soon is within the next three years."

I sat back down on the bed, "I'm young, there's still so much I want to do before I have kids." Ezra ticked my hair behind my ear, "we were just about to start having kids before your accident, and I can be a stay at home dad, you don't need to sacrifice your career."

I pushed away his hand, "Ezra, you know that both parents must be present in a child's life and I can't handle that responsibility at my mental age." Ezra's cold exterior began to arise again, "I was fine without both parents fine, I don't resent either of them."

I sighed "Ezra, you're not fine, you want a family so bad to prove that you weren't hurt being abandoned. But you're not, I won't think about this subject again until you face your feelings in therapy." We were both angry at each other at this point, the whole morning neither of us said a word to each other.

"What's going on with you and Ezra? He said that you were sick for the past two days." Lyn asked as they both came to my desk after Ezra slammed his door shut. I rolled my eyes, "we had a talk this morning about whether we want kids soon or not."

Lyn and Kelton looked at each other, not knowing what to say to me, "I'm guessing that it didn't go well." I nodded to Lyns question. "He wants kids within the next three years and I want to love my life for a while." I huffed.

"This is why I don't do cis relationships." Kelton added, shutting up after I glared at him, "your hair looks nice by the way." He added to calm me down. "He said that it's a dealbreaker though." I moaned.

Lyn shrugged "then just put off the talk for three years, who knows you might want kids by then." I groaned "but what if I still don't? Then I've wasted Ezra's time and my own." Kelton put his hand on my shoulder "I can't help that much as I don't want kids, but I mean before your accident you really wanted kids. You two were annoyingly excited, so why don't you be more open about it, if you get your memories back after you decide to divorce him you'll be really sad."

I nodded, maybe I also wanted to have kids early to felt like I had my own family that I could remember ... but all I want to be worried about right now is if my shoes are in season, not of a diaper needs changing.

"I don't know, I don't like all of these adult problems." Lyn chuckled "didn't you say last week that you wanted to be more adult, you can't just cherry pick your problems." They both left me in my misery.

They're right, but it feels unfair for Ezra to pin this on me, or was I being the unreasonable one? I mean I told him that I wanted kids going into this marriage and now I'm taking that away from him.

Actually I've been so defensive I haven't even thought about if I want kids or not, I mean I'm only eighteen ... seriously the one time I accept that I'm an adult I want to be a teenager again.

I mean would it be the worst thing to let Ezra be a stay at home dad whilst I work on my career, I mean mums at school did that ... but then again all of their kids are messed up.

I just don't want Ezra to leave me, I probably want kids, just not until he gets therapy for his issues.