The Right One

Chapter 30

CAITLIN POV:

When I woke up this morning, I felt a body next to me that was not normal and it still took me a few seconds to remember what had happened the night before. Last night had been a fantastic night, but this morning the feeling of guilt at remembering last night, haunted me.

I loved Barry, I couldn't deny it anymore, but I feel that things with Ronnie, that is, my feelings for Ronnie are still there and being with Barry, it was like I was cheating on my husband. I tried to get out of bed without waking him up but that was not possible and his beautiful eyes opened looking at me as if they were going to see my soul.

"Good morning," said Barry, smiling.

"Good morning," I said, rising from the bed.

- Hey, where are you going? I know it's morning, but we need to talk about what happened.

- What happened was an impulse ... Something that shouldn't have happened and won't happen again. There is no need to say anything more. - I said looking at my feet.

Saying this to Barry was being harder than I thought and whenever I said something bad about what happened, it was like a thousand knives were being stuck in my heart. I didn't know if it was the best thing to do but I had to keep me away from him, even if it meant breaking my heart into a thousand pieces.

- Cailtin don't say that, I know you don't feel that. You wanted this to happen as much as I did, you cannot deny it, let alone say it was a mistake.

- Do you know what I feel? I feel that it is no longer worthwhile to continue living here. The only reason you moved here was because of the threat that Jay was and if he died, I'm already safe, so I see no reason to continue living here.

- Is that what you want? Cailtin looks me in the eye and tells me if that's what you really want?

- Yes!

- Okay, I'm still going back to Joe's today. Soon I'll come and get my things ... I need to go to the CCPD, so I'll be going.

He put on his clothes from the day before and left the house. At that time, the only thing I wanted to do was cry and that's what I did. Was I having the right attitude? Why does it hurt so much? My head tells me that this was the best but my heart does not think the same, in fact since Barry appeared in my life, my heart was jumping at the thought of him.

I sent a message to Cisco saying that today I was not going to the laboratory because I was very tired and he understood. It was definitely a horrible morning and I knew I had to talk to someone about it, but who?

It's not like I have a lot of friends, I could always talk to Iris but I still don't have much confidence, because we never talk about serious matters in life. It was then that my opportunity to vent came.

F: I heard what happened yesterday, are you okay Cait?

C: No! Do you think we can talk? Face to face?

F: It will be a little difficult, since we are in different cities.

C: I can use the portal and come to you in Starling City. That is, if you don't mind, of course.

F: Of course not, I will be waiting for you at my house.

Felicity was the ideal person to tell me about my problem and I know she would give me the right advice. With the help of the portal it was a matter of seconds before I reached her home.

- What's going on? What is so urgent that you had to come to me?

- My life is a shame! I don't know what to do anymore, Felicity.

- Go tell me what's going on, I already realized it's serious.

I told her everything from Ronnie's death to what happened last night with Barry.

- Oh friend, I realize that you are afraid and think that you are not ready. But you are not cheating on Ronnie, on the contrary, he would be delighted to know that you are moving on with your life. And Barry is the ideal guy for you!

- I like him a lot, but I'm afraid! Whenever I'm with him it's all a bed of roses but then I start thinking about Ronnie and I feel like I'm cheating on him. I know I have the right to get on with my life, but it has been a short time since his death.

- Caitlin, you love Barry and from what you said he loves you too. You can't be afraid to be with him. If Ronnie were here, he was saying the same thing to you.

- I knew you were going to help me. You always know what to say when I need help.

- I'm here for whatever you need but go home and talk to Barry. Tell him what you feel and your fears, he will understand and help you.

- Do you think this is the best solution? Talk to him?

- Of course yes.

This conversation, even though it was short, with Felicity helped me a lot but I was still very confused with what I was going to do. I needed to talk to one more person before I knew how to proceed. I used the portal to go back to my house and then I got in the car and went to visit Ronnie's grave.

- Hello my love, I don't know if you are listening to me but I really needed your advice. What do I do with my life? I'm so confused, I like him a lot but I feel like I'm cheating on you. I know you will not answer me but it has always been good for me to come and talk to you whenever I have my head full of doubts. I was talking to Felicity and she told me that it was normal for me to feel this way but that it was okay to move on with my life, but I don't know if I'm ready for this step. I really like him and he makes me feel safe, but is it enough? Thank you for listening to me my love and I miss you so much but so much.

I went home again and thought about everything Felicity said and advised me and everything that happened with Barry and I hope to make the best decision for me and him too, because I don't want to make Barry suffer.

BARRY POV:

This morning it couldn't be going any worse, first Caitlin tells me that what happened between us was a mistake, then she tells me that the best thing is for me to leave the house and now I'm still late for work and I take a scratch from the my captain.

After the sermon of almost ten minutes, I went to my office to see if at least the paperwork could distract my head but it was complicated. I was getting a call from Felicity, which was strange because she only called when Oliver needed my help in his city with a mission.

Call with Felicity:

- Listen to me until the end and don't ask questions. I don't know where you are or what you're doing but you need to speak to Caitlin as soon as possible.

- But she doesn't want to talk to me, she made that very clear this morning.

- But will you shut up and let me explain? Well, she was talking to me and she told me what was going on between the two of you and let me say that I'm really disappointed that you didn't tell me that you liked her, but that doesn't matter now, she's afraid.

- Oh? I don't understand.

- Barry the only reason she said what she said this morning is because she thinks she is cheating on Ronnie by admitting that she feels something for you. Do you understand?

- This means?

- It means you need to go talk to her and work things out.

- Thank you for calling Felicity.

- You're welcome, give me news soon.

End of call with Felicity

Now I understand what's going on, she said she wanted me out of the house because she wants to get away from me so as not to "betray" Ronnie. I never thought she could be feeling it and I understand that it is not being easy, as Ronnie has always been the love of her life.

I have to go talk to her, but not now. I need to give her time to think and I cannot leave the CCPD before my shift because I don't want to be fired.