Bandmate ||Ricky Garcia||

《e i g h t y - f i v e》

Ricky's POV

''Please don't say it.'' I turn to look at Emery as I zip up my bag.

''I'm going to say it. I'm so super proud of you!'' He lunges and hugs me. His arms twirl me around my room. I try to tap on his arms, then tried to pull him away, with no use since I lost weight and strength.

''Please let go!'' I spit out forcing air out of my clenched chest. He squeezes me one last time before I set my feet back on the ground. "I still don't trust Liam to stay here alone.'' I sigh slowly, still trying to recover my lungs.

''He'll be fine. Plus I told him that if anything is broken or missing he'd be kicked out of the band.'' Emery shrugs and laughs.

''Smart man! If he feels threatened then he won't be as stupid. When are you leaving?'' I ask still massaging my ribs. He squeezed me so damn hard.

''In two days. You want me to give or tell Audrey something?'' His eyebrow raise and I roll my eyes. Audrey and I haven't talked since we wished each other a happy New Year. It's March now and we have occasional talks but it's never about anything deep. There are times I'll catch myself going to text her or my finger will hover over the call button to just hear her voice, but I never do. The last time I visited her I told her I wanted to take time and learn how to better handle myself but I haven't been going to see Helen.

I skipped several sessions and now I just feel shitty. I feel guilty, stupid, and hateful mostly towards myself. So I've been avoiding Audrey as well. The last thing I wanted was for her to find out I lied.

''No, there's nothing.'' I go back to finish packing up. I have a flight tonight and I'm now barely starting.

''Alright just let me know if you change your mind. Because I don't know if you know this, but it's okay to change your mind...'' Emery's voice is always so soothing. I always thought that Jon was an anchor but it took a storm to see that Emery was the real support.

''Yeah, I know. Just tell her that I say hi.'' He raises one side of his lip to form a smile and nods. I know what he's thinking. Why don't you text her, it only takes two letters to start a conversation, but I'm too much of a coward.

I have to be thankful for Jocelyn's habit of posting every stupid thing she does because it's through her posts I've seen Audrey. She seems to be doing great and it pisses me off. It makes me feel like a prick, but I want her to look sad because she misses me.

Instead, I see her at parties and events at her school and stupid Parker right next to her. I knew he was after her, the way his eyes followed her that day I picked her up, it was obvious to anyone.

''Okay sounds good. Tell your mom I say hi too.'' He tells me before heading out. Ever since we found out about him and Jocelyn he's been visiting her school at least once a month. He has become friends with the other students in her hall, typical of Emery.

Somedays I have urges to just fly over to Audrey and make her see that it could have worked. Then I get mad and pissed at her for being a quitter. Perhaps she just wanted to break up and the excise of 'having no time for each other bullshit' was her disguise.

Bullshit or not it was over.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Something else I thought was stupid was how my family was thinking of celebrating my birthday months after it actually happened. The simple birthday text I got was enough for me.

Mom told me of this idea the moment I got home yesterday. I didn't even get to put my bags away before she sat me down and telling me all about it. There's still some anger in me when I see her, but it's so small it's bound to fully vanish soon.