The Rise And Fall Of The Stag And The Doe

Distance

The only thing Lily Evans hated even more than being wrong was admitting something was her fault. Growing up her mother's favorite was always Petunia, and although at the time Lily was close with her sister, she still found it annoying. 'Oh, Petunia couldn't have possibly done that!' her mother would say. But then as soon as Lily did something wrong, her mother would always bring it up in a later argument. She'd tell her, 'Oh Lily you said that last time!' Or, 'Lily, I still don't trust you after that one time…'

It was infuriating.

She'd never wanted to be the golden child; it was far too much pressure for her, but at the same time she didn't want to be the bad kid. And in Petunia's tall boney shadow, Lily, the top of her class, one of the prettiest girls in her age, was seen as the other sister. Her cousins and other relatives weren't necessarily mean about it. It was just kind of a known fact that Lily wasn't the favorite. The only one who never gave into that was her father.

As a psychology professor, he knew the side effects from showing favoritism between his children, and he often tried to sabotage his wife's attempts to do otherwise. By the time Lily was ten, though, it was already perfectly clear to her that at any moment she could be accused of something Petunia did, and that she was always going to be blamed for something she didn't do. When her mother died, everyone huddled around poor Petunia; no one but her father even noticed that she was there, too.

Lily was used to having fight to prove her worth, but one thing she was never going to get used to was how continuously wrong she was about James Potter.

Lily sat in the library, working on what was left of her homework in perfect silence. She had spent the whole day curled up in her favorite armchair and was beginning to get restless. Tendrils of wavy, red hair was falling out of the thick rubber band she was using to keep it out of her face. Rubbing her eyes, she cracked her neck and pushed her books forward out of her reach.

At that moment, she thought she should have just studied with Marlene and Dorcas. She didn't know why she always pushed herself away from them. They always invited her along wherever they went, but she just felt the need to distance herself. Maybe she just thought it was better to have barriers; or maybe she just couldn't take getting close to friends, only to lose them like she had with Severus and Petunia. Either way that left Lily all alone, with nothing but the emerald sweater her grandmother had made her to keep her company.

Pushing herself away from the desk, Lily looked outside at the grounds that were covered in fallen leaves. It looked so nice…like the cover of a postcard, but it was chilly out, and she knew she would just end up jumping in leaf piles instead of doing her homework if she went outside to enjoy it.

Off in the distance she saw four boys sitting by the edge of the lake. Immediately without a single hesitation, she knew who they were. From what she could make out, Lily saw James and Sirius wrestling as Peter and Remus cheered from the sidelines. Inching closer to the surface of the window to get a better look, an unintentional smile crept onto her face and she watched James get the better of Sirius. For the next few minutes they fought, and Lily found herself giggling at the tactics the pair of them used. Once or twice one of them would tag out Remus or Peter. James's tag in was Peter, and Sirius's was Remus. James fought Sirius and then after a few rounds Remus came in. But James never tagged Peter in, not even for a minute.

As Lily watched the Marauders rough housing on the Hogwarts grounds, someone watched her from afar. He watched her amused expression, shifted to see what had caught her attention, and then left, furious.

Lily never saw that. She just kept watching, even when Remus and Peter headed back towards the castle, and it was just Sirius and James. In the space separating them, Lily allowed herself to feel openly. She allowed herself to watch the pair of them, both dark haired with matching grins on their ridiculously good-looking faces, sitting by the oak tree hovering above the lake. Sometimes, when she looked out the window late at night, she'd see them walking around the Forbidden Forest in deep conversation and wonder what they were talking about. A few times she'd see either Remus or Peter with them, but usually it was just them. Lily envied their friendship; they were more like brothers than friends. It was so natural and effortless and…beyond words. Everyone knew they'd lay down their lives for one another, and it seemed crazy to her. They were only sixteen, how could they have so much… trust in one another?