The Rise And Fall Of The Stag And The Doe

echo

There were plenty of things Lily had spent nights thinking about, to prepare herself for what was to come, but somehow doing a disposition on a Death Eater attack never made the cut.

Once she did have the terrifying nightmare that the Ministry was going to arrest her for something trivial and small, but it was just a wild crazy thought. She never thought she'd ever have to come to the Ministry unless she was doing an internship or starting a job. Never this.

Lily arrived on the edge of the Potter property and waited outside for Mr. Potter to come out as he promised he would. Mr. Potter insisted she not come inside as James would undoubtedly insist that he come with her for moral support and that would be more harmful than helpful so she waited.

Her pulse was racing, but there was little she could do to fix this. It was natural for her anxiety level to be raised so no amount of logic or reasoning would fix that. So she just rocked back and forth on her heels trying to gain a little perspective. Hey, at least they were asking her to do this and not Peter. Yes, she almost died, but considering the hell Peter was going through Lily wanted more than anything to do something to help and this way she could.

It was weird. She wasn't really friends with Peter and often thought about how despite everything that hadn't changed. With most people if you spend enough time around them then you naturally just find out things about them and start doing things together, but it never worked out that way for them. It was kind of a more passive version of Dorcas and Sirius's relationship. They were two people who happened to be friends with all the same people, but never particularly liked each other.

Still she felt so bad for him she wished she were better friends with him, just so she would know of more things to do to help ease his suffering. Dorcas and Marlene were switching off shifts to visit him before the funeral, so maybe she could go with one of them for a few hours and bring him some of his favorite sweets? If they were busy Remus or Sirius could go with her and then they could help her pick out what Peter would want.

That would work and then she could at least help even if it was just a small little thing that just made him feel the slightest bit better.

Sighing, Lily tried to pat down her hair and fix the strands of her hair that refused to stay pinned back. Mr. Potter had said she could dress casually as she wasn't under any kind of investigation, but Lily still wore her professional shorts and a white ruffle top that had once been her mothers. It wasn't too much, but she was sure she looked like she was going for a job interview and not a witness hearing.

Every few seconds she looked up; half-worrying that it would be James that came out and half-worrying it wouldn't be.

It had only been two days since the attack, but already she missed him. She didn't understand it, but it was like a part of her ached for him and it was beginning to really freak her out.

They couldn't be anything more than friends. Even if it killed her she had to keep it platonic. Heathers death was awful and also a message to anyone who dared get involved with a Muggleborn. Esmee had said that the only reason Peter survived was because they thought they already killed him. Lily didn't want that for James. He was destined for more than to die just because the girl he loved was in the line of fire.

James Potter was meant for so much more than that and she wanted him to have the life he deserved. She wished that he would just forget about her and find someone better for him, but a large part of her knew that if he ever actually did that it would break her heart. That was the devil of it, she didn't want to feel this way and she didn't want him to feel the way he did either. Their lives would be a lot less complicated if they were just friends with nothing lingering between them, but since she did feel this way she couldn't even pretend anymore that she'd be happy if he moved on. It was so incredibly selfish and Lily felt more and more guilty about it every day, but she couldn't help it. She wanted him, but she knew she shouldn't and that was something she'd have to deal with.