The Rise And Fall Of The Stag And The Doe

Every Night

"Lily," Marlene giggled, grabbing a napkin and handing it to her.

Lily looked up, half a strawberry was in her mouth and her eyes were wide. "How could I have gotten anything on my face?! I'm eating a straw-berry!"

"Well somehow, you did."

"How do I do this?" Lily groaned pitifully. "Seriously?!"

Marlene laughed. "Because Lily, you don't pay attention when you eat."

Shifting over in her sleep, Lily weaved into a different memory.

"I don't know why she hates me so much." Lily cried into her pillow, "She's everyone's favorite. She has more friends than I do."

Marlene pushed Lily's hair out of her shuddering face, her blue eyes filled with warmth as she held Lily's arms. "Lily, that's because you are careful with who you give you're heart to and that's a virtue Lily, hold onto that."

Shaking Lily slowly drifted out of sleep, and opened her eyes. It took her a few minutes to process that she was indeed awake. Her eyes squinted in the darkness, as she tried to gauge the time. It wasn't time to wake up. All of her roommates were all sound asleep, except three beds were empty, and the sight brought tears to her eyes.

She immediately wiped them away and looked at Dorcas's bed. It was clear by the redness around her nose and swollen cheeks that she'd cried herself to sleep. Lily considered checking on her, but it didn't feel right. She never was sure what was the right thing to do. If it were Lily she would want someone to be there with her, but she'd never comforted Dorcas, so she didn't know if it was better to give her space or stay with her. The ability to read other people's needs was something she didn't have most of the time. Not like Marlene. If she were here, she would know exactly how to handle this. Marlene was the one who always did the right thing. Lily was always the one who just followed her lead, but now that left Lily with not a clue with what was appropriate to do.

In her rational mind she knew they should just wait for the adults to handle it. Dumbledore and the Auror's were more than capable of finding and saving Marlene, but she still didn't like it. Lily was a control freak, through and through and it killed her that she had to hold back. She was torn by her desire to follow the guidance of her authority figures, and just take matters into her own hands. Sure she was a sixteen-year-old witch with little to no dueling experience, and yes she wasn't the strongest or fastest person, but Marlene was her friend. And until recently she didn't understand how attached she had become to her.

Somehow Lily had let herself believe that she could do without Marlene. That if she somehow found out Lily wasn't as smart or as great as she seemed and left Lily would be perfectly fine. It was a belief stemmed from Lily's want to not need anyone, but she should have known that she wouldn't be able to sustain losing Marlene. She should have known that Marlene was impervious to any form of resistance. But she'd be ignorant and blind, and now, as she stared at Marlene's bed she cried. Not because she might lost her friend, but because she might never get the opportunity to tell her how much she meant to her in the first place. Marlene had managed to sneak under Lily's guard, it was very subtle, but now Lily couldn't think of a time during Hogwarts were Marlene hadn't been there for her. Why had she always accused Marlene of loving Dorcas more? What did it even matter if she did? Why couldn't she have simply appreciated the fact that she was loved at all?

Gripping her shoulders, Lily bowed her head as her own tears overwhelmed her. She grabbed her teddy bear Sergeant Mittens. Her fingers traced his blue and white plaid bowtie, as she buried his worn brown fur into her chest. Sergeant Mittens had gone through many battles with her; he had nearly lost his eye when Petunia tried to feed him to a neighbor dog, he had several stitches on his stomach from the time Petunia attempted to cut him apart using rusty scissors and his stuffing was lumpy from the unequal amounts of squeezing Lily had done over the years. But at moments like these, moments were she wished her sister didn't hate her and her mother was still alive. She could owl her father, but she didn't want to trouble him, he had enough on his plate. So that left Sergeant Mittens to comfort her.