The Rise And Fall Of The Stag And The Doe

young volcanoes

Sirius tossed his bag over his shoulder. It hadn't particularly been a nice weekend. Monotonous, really. He'd spent most of it eating with or doing early Christmas shopping with Mrs. Potter. It really was one of the most uneventful weekends of his life, but he appreciated it. He wasn't a person that dealt well with being alone, but being home curbed the anger and disappointment he had been feeling for the past few days.

He knew Lily and James could tell something was bothering him, but he didn't really want to get into it. It was true that every one dealt with grief differently, and Sirius had seen proof of that over the past few months, but Mr. Potter's death seemed to take longer to settle into Sirius than it took for everyone else. It had been a month, and there was still an ache in the seventeen-year-old boy's chest.

Often, he'd been expecting for the feeling to fade. He wasn't immune to losing things. Despite his hatred of his family, there was a time he genuinely loved them, especially his younger brother. It was so long ago, and most of the time he managed to repress it and act like it hadn't existed at all. Associating with...those people, even in his mind, hurt the most, because it immediately led to disgust. He couldn't enjoy a single recollection, not even an innocent childhood memory, without remember the rest: the beatings, the abuse...

But when he came here, he got a new family...and a new father. And after everything, to lose a person who had meant so much simply because he was always there, killed him. If Sirius needed advice, Mr. Potter was there. If he needed help with a prank and his wife wasn't around, he'd help. There were a million small conversations and gestures Mr. Potter had made over the years that had helped Sirius so deeply. If it hadn't been for him and his wife, Sirius would have become embittered, and normalcy would not have been an option. If they hadn't taken him in, he would have ended up the thing Sirius dreaded the most: alone.

Sirius fell back on the Potters when he needed them the most, and even if it was just for a weekend, he had needed to be around it. Just to remind himself that despite the war, and in spite of his surrogate father's death, he still had something to fight for...something to belong to.

Mrs. Potter had been surprised when she received Sirius's letter asking if he could visit. Students typically never left Hogwarts during the school year; only on holidays did they return home, but of course, she welcomed him back happily. It was a bit odd that it was just the pair of them without James involved, but after the first few hours that faded. She often glanced at him while they would eat and see flickers of the boy that used to end up on her doorstep with black eyes and split lips. She remembered the lies he'd tell to cover up how he'd gotten the injuries, how sarcastic and devil-may-care his twelve year old self would be.

She couldn't imagine him graduating in just over six months' time. It was unfathomable to her that the boy who used to sneak out to go sleep with girls or get intoxicated was finally growing up. He'd always been a wild child, but there was a streak of maturity in him now. It was impossible for her to tell when it had appeared. It surely wasn't there a year ago, or even seven months earlier, but she could see the faint outlines of it now. It both unnerved and impressed her, because the charismatic boy with the broken face had grown up, and he was still together. Somehow he had managed to make it, and it was a miracle to her.

"Thanks for having me, Mum," he said, reaching for a quick hug. "I'll owl you later this week."

"I know," she said softly, keeping a hold of him when he tried to pull away.

Confused, he sank deeper into the hug and felt his chest tighten at the warmth of her embrace. After a few moments, his head dropped onto her shoulder and accepted that she wasn't ready to let go. He didn't know why, but he couldn't fight her.

"I wanted to say something before you go," she revealed. She pulled away away, but kept her dainty hands on his face.

"Okay..."