Kanhaaji and his tests on Mishbir

The Reverse Side Also has a Reverse Side

Learning to see from another's viewpoint and the brain science of confirmation bias has been explored in the episode today. We credit and substantiate our preexisting beliefs that have been passed on to us by generations before, and assign the blame to a woman.

Ironically enough, this has been and is being done also done a lot, mainly by the women in today's society. We pull each other down rather that lifting each other up as has been done by Nirmala Soni who calls Mishti a non-conformist/not sansakkari bahu and Ketu a bacchalan.

BB, Maami want to protect the honor of their beti but their bahu they don't care about. We adopt different judgments when it comes to different people in our lives. A mother-in-law, treats her daughter differently from the way she treats her daughter-in-law. A sister-in-law treats her bhabhi different from the way she would be, once she becomes a bhabhi. Maami still is insulting Mishti when she offers to help and Meenu still is playing the overconfident sneaky, reactive devaluation game with Mishti, by hurting her with her weakness "ghar todna" (my ears hurt and probably I should sue the dialog writers), pyaar baantna comment.

This conformity is a little relaxed when it comes to men, because of their environment, and the way society treats them. There are men who rape and are aggressive, violent and abusive but there are also men like Abir and Varun who support their woman and stand for what's right.

Girls like Mishti, are a rare find today because, she stands for the morally right in a different unique kind of way. She has a patience level that not many of us can boast of today and with a toxic family like RV, how many of us would have kept quiet I wonder. When our roles change, we change too. She does the right thing and does it in a bold and correct way, which is why she finds her Abir.

I do not however like the idea of Mishti apologizing because she is the reason why Nirmala Soni left the place. Mishti is what she is and no one abnormal just because her parents deserted her and because she is brought up by BP/BM. Abir argued and defended and protected her because none other in his family did. Mishti apologizing today, sends a wrong message to those that are adopted, or deserted by the parents. She is a gem anyways despite that and girls should strive to be more like her.

To have an Abir like many of us long for and wish, we as girls, need to be good, kind, tolerant and patient like Mishti. The amount of effort that we put into ourselves and our character gives us the result that we are entitled to.

Recently, I watched a program on Vijay TV called "Neeya Naana" and because my language of Tamil is very limited, I had to bug my husband as to what they were actually debating about. The discussion was very interesting and was about daughters who become daughters-in-law and how their expectations change – the reverse side to the reverse side and I have to say it is very disturbing to see how our society has mismatched values once the roles reverse. This has to change from within every woman, if we want our women empowered. We, as women have to be more like BM and Mishti rather than BB, Maami, Jasmeet and obviously men have to be more like Abir, BP, Maamu and Naanu and not like Karan.

To transform our society in general we have to go the source. To teach men not to rape /misbehave we need to go to the source namely the parents to fix such wayward sons; similarly, to fix misplaced women too we have to go the source, the parents again and make sure it's done correctly from the beginning.

So, the parents have to be collectively strong and tell their son/daughter to be the right person like BM/BP have done for Mishti. We as parents have to prepare the child for the path and not the path for the child. The foundation for such right principles has to be very strong and the child as she/he grows learn and build on that foundation and develop into a good human being. Kids emulate their parents for the good stuff and the strong kids detest them for the wrong. A drunk's son abhors alcohol as he grows up to be teetotaler or he imbibes it and becomes another drunkard.

Abir watched his mom's love for her family despite being a single parent and respects her for it, which is why he has inculcated strong familial attachment and values and fights for them despite their disappointing him at every step. Abir hates cheating, dishonesty which he has seen all his life and decides not to support those negative traits.

"Children learn more from what you are than you teach."

As Girls/boys we either are a source of joy or shame depending on the rules that we follow and the terms of living that we choose and together in a joint role as Boyfriend- Girlfriend, lovers, Husband- Wife we share the load equally as Abir has rightfully stated.

"Maryada, sanskar, pooray ghar ki izzat, character, tehzeeb chaal chalan sab baaton ka bhoj..." is on both shoulders, after all they have both to run home and family eventually.

Abir has taken responsibility because he said those words to Nirmala aunty to protect his wife, and as a husband has shared the load with Mishti; he also feels for Ketu as a bahu more because he also knows how Mishti is being treated unfairly and wants to fix the wrong.

The foundation we as parents lay are important in any case. Mishti and Abir as parents will be a joy to watch. A song that I learnt during my kindergarten days was the

The wise man built his house upon the rock
And the rains came tumbling down

The rains came down and the floods came up
And the house on the rock stood firm

The foolish man built his house upon the sand

And the rains came tumbling down

The rains came down and the floods came up
And the foolish man's house went "splat!"

Of course, this was for bible studies but I apply it more in terms of family life, love and the strong foundation of values on which a home is built because that was the deeper meaning explained to me by my mother.

House is built with two hands and has bricks and beams,

but a home is built with a heart and has hopes and dreams

I long for Mishti to have that home and family that she has always craved for from long before. Despite Abir, BM and BP her life still doesn't have that complete feeling to it. She is now in a family that is undeserving of her, her care and love; hope that changes.

Mishbir's eye talk and their soul connection surfaced and ruled once again and made me go all "AWW and WOW"

"Someone who knows when you're lost and you're scared

There through the highs and the lows

When your hope crashes down
Shattering to the ground
You, you feel all alone
When you don't know which way to go
There's no signs leading you home
You're not alone..."

Mishti, never stop loving people for that is the only fight worth fighting!

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