A Wish Upon a Star | Yeonbin ✓

LVI

At some point, Soobin fell asleep with the note in his hand. His mum came in at around midnight after seeing the bright light coming out from his ajar door. She took the note from his hand and draped a blanket over the sleeping boy.

Soobin's mum stroked his forehead, sweeping away his bangs and then noticing the dried tears on his face, "My baby, I wish you didn't have to cry alone like this. But I've made you do it so many times before, right?"

Soobin's mum thought of all the times she'd heard Soobin cry himself to sleep, especially when he was younger and she had just married Taewoo. She remembered how even when she tried to wrap her arm around him or console him, he had pushed her away.

"Mum should've tried harder instead of letting you be... you were just angry and hurt about the divorce. But I hope you have accepted it now, I'm happy with Taewoo and your dad is happy with his new wife, I hope you can accept it now..."

Soobin was awake, he had woken up when his mum had opened the door to let herself in and hadn't said anything thinking she'd just tuck him in bed and leave. But she had stayed, sitting there, ruffling his hair, talking to her supposedly asleep son. Hearing her words, he felt his heart scrunch up in pain again and felt his eyes become watery, he hadn't realized that he had hurt his mum so much.

"Soobin? Oh no, is my son having a nightmare? Soobin?"

Soobin slowly opened his eyes, a tear escaping his eye, "Mum, I-"

His mum instantly held him close in an embrace, "What happened? Did you have a nightmare?"

"Mum I'm- I'm so so sorry," Soobin was crying now, his words barely coherent as it dawned upon him that he had hurt his mum so much that she had left him be because she had been afraid of getting more hurt. Soobin finally understood why she had started regarding him so nonchalantly, it was exactly what he'd done with both of his parents when they divorced.

"Baby, why are you apologizing? Are you alright?"

"I'm-I'm really so sorry- I didn't know any better. I-"

"Honey, what happened? You've done nothing wrong... Why are you apologizing?"

"I'm- I-"

"Tell me once you've calmed down a bit, alright? Try to relax, c'mon. There's no need to panic," Soobin's mum fondly patted his head and ruffled his hair.

Soobin spent about a good thirty minutes just crying, his tears refusing to stop as he realized that he was the one who had pushed his mother away. After growing up a bit and having read so many novels about families like his, he had understood why his parents had had to divorce but it was only at this moment, that he'd realized why his own mother had turned to become so negligent of him.

"Mum," Soobin softly whispered, getting out of the embrace and looking her straight in her worried eyes.

"Yeah?" She softly asked with a small, patronizing smile on her face.

"I'm really sorry," Soobin hung his head.

"For?"

"You know, I always wondered why you and dad didn't love me, why you guys never cared much about what I did or what happened to me and all," Soobin stole a glance at his mother to see that a single tear had escaped from her teary eyes.

Soobin continued, "I always thought to myself why you guys didn't ever have the interest for me that most parents had for their children."

"Soobin, honey, it's not like that-"

"Yeah, I know it isn't," Soobin locked eyes with his mum with a sad smile, "Now I know it isn't like that."

Soobin's mum only smiled, another tear rolling down her face.

"You guys have always tried, and I know dad sends me emails all the time. I also know it was me who didn't want dad to know our address so that he wouldn't be able to send gifts and stuff. I also know you've always tried to include me in family things and have always tried to talk to Taewoo about how my stepbrothers could be better to me."

"Soobs, you don't have to apologize-"

"No, I know I have to. I've troubled you a lot these past years, haven't I?"

"Soobin, honey you're our son, it's our duty to look after you and you know we care about you because we love you."

"Yes, Mum. But I shouldn't have hurt you guys like that, especially you."

"You were a kid, Soobin. We weren't mature about the divorce anyway. Us, your dad and I, we fought every single day for a whole year or so before finally taking that decision. Our behavior must've impacted you so bad," She was crying now, holding her son close and stroking his hair as she thought about her younger days.

"Yeah but I should've known better, better than to just completely cut myself off from you guys and blame everything upon you two."

"We all made wrong decisions, honey. But it was us who should've been more responsible, as adults."

"Mm."

"Oh and Soobs, you do know your dad sends you birthday as well as Christmas presents every year, right?" His mum was looking at him now, scanning his face as a confused expression took over it.

"Wait, he does? I thought he didn't know..."

"Of course he knows our address, honey. Mum has to make sure he can stay in touch with you."

"Oh."