Used To Be [A Bensler Fan Fic}

Chapter Twenty-Two

Elliot sat silently in his truck. He didn't feel ready to talk to his wife yet. He was too scared to tell her the truth about everything. The many reasons his father hated him.

"Are you going to come inside?" Olivia asked softly as she opened the passenger side door. Elliot jumped a bit from his wife's voice.

"I'm going to sit out here for a bit... where's Rory?" Elliot questioned. Olivia held up the baby monitor before moving to get into the truck, but Elliot shook his head.

"El-"

"Please give me space, Olivia. I know that you want to comfort me and talk about everything... but I'm not ready. I really had to think and talk about things tonight, and I'm not ready to do that again." Elliot spoke. Olivia swallowed hard before shutting the door. She turned around and walked towards the house without saying anything else.

Elliot dropped his head as tears slipped down his cheeks. For years he hid the fact that he was the product of rape... just like his wife.

///

A deep and tense silence filled their house. Rory was even realizing that something was wrong, and he wasn't nearly as bubbly and loud as he usually is.

"Is something wrong between you and Elliot?" Alex mused, as she helped her friend make dinner. Olivia was working long hours again, so she decided to prep many different dinner options for Elliot to throw in at night. He may be a chef, but he didn't like to cook that often at home.

"Uh, we haven't talked in a few weeks." Olivia frowned.

"What? You two seemed so happy!" Alex exclaimed, and Olivia shrugged.

"His father showed up a few weeks ago and everything has went down hill since then." Olivia replied weakly.

"You met Joseph?"

"Unfortunately... he's a jackass to say the least. Elliot went over there to scare him off, but instead Elliot came home scared and freaking out. I thought that we should talk about it, but he doesn't want to talk about anything anymore. At this point, we text about what Rory needs instead of actually using our voices." Olivia sighed.

"I'm sorry, Liv... do you want me to-"

"Stay out of it."

"Will do."

They continued to cook for awhile before going to hang with Rory. By the time Rory went down for his nap, Elliot arrived home.

"Alex." Elliot spoke, and Alex nodded.

"Hey, Elliot. How was work?" She questioned, but Elliot was already walking from the kitchen and wasn't going to reply at all.

"See. There is no point in talking to him. He's bottling everything up and closing himself off from me."

"Do you want to maybe come stay with me? You and Rory are more-"

"I'm not leaving my husband. I'm just going to let this play out. I just hope we don't end up divorced."

///

Olivia was in the middle of her shift, when Elliot showed up at the hospital. She had been working for about two weeks before her husband even decided that he wanted to talk.

"Liv." Elliot voiced whimpered. Olivia turned around from where she was entering in some information.

"El? What are you doing here?" Olivia asked, shocked.

"Can we talk?" He sniffled.

"Where's Rory?" Olivia asked with wide eyes.

"He's with Alex... I just really need to talk." Elliot breathed. Olivia swallowed hard before nodding.

"Let me just finish up here and then I'll see if someone can cover my break."

Olivia took about a half an hour to finish everything up before joining her husband in the stairwell. She sank down beside him before just preparing herself to listen.

"You know that my mother's dead... right?"

"Yeah. You told me when we first started to date." Olivia replied softly.

"Okay... well my parents were done having kids after my brother was born. My father was abusive and decided that instead of just verbally and physically abusing my mother and siblings, that he'd rape my mother too. They didn't plan to have me and my father really didn't want me. My mother was very sick and died while trying to bring me into the world... I barely didn't make it... my father did want my mother over me."

"El-"

"My father blames me for my mother's death. But it's his fault. He's the one that raped her. He's the one that beat her. He's the one that caused her death, and I'm sick and tired of taking the blame for something that I had absolutely no control over." Elliot breathed.

Olivia swallowed hard before frowning deeply.

"Can I talk now?" Olivia mused.

"Y-yeah... I'm sorry."

"As one rape baby to another... you will eventually get to the point where you really realize that it wasn't your fault that you were created. Your father was evil, just like mine... just like every baby, all we wanted was to be loved and cared for and we both didn't get that as children. But as husband and wife now, you and I will take care of each other. Love each other. And we will make sure we never make the mistakes that our parents have made. You aren't the man your father is. You are an amazing father, husband, and best friend. But for me to really experience how amazing you are, you need to open yourself up to me. Baby, you need to trust me."

"I do trust you." Elliot whimpered.

"Good, because I trust you too. We can't let something like this get out of hand again. Not only has this caused problems in our marriage but also in Rory's life."

"I still just feel so damn guilty for everything. My siblings didn't have a mother because-"

"Because your father raped her, Elliot. You were an innoccent little baby when all this happened. I was inoccent too. But now, we are adults. We have a child. We need to forget the past and keep moving forward because if we don't, we will be like this forever."

"I'm sorry, Liv." Elliot started to sob. Olivia turned towards her husband and hugged him tightly. She rubbed his back gently as she pressed soft kisses to his temple.

"I'm sorry too, El. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that alone. But you will never have to go through anything alone ever again."