Used To Be [A Bensler Fan Fic}

Chapter Thirty-Seven

"I hope that we can work this out... our relationship is worth at least trying. Our kids are worth the try." Elliot breathed, as he slipped his hands up from his wife's hips and to her back. He pulled her closer, as Olivia avoided her husband's eyes.

"I'm not worth it, Elliot. You've said it before and it'll be said again... I'm not worth it." Olivia sniffled as she kept her eyes focused on the wilted flowers on the counter.

"You are so worth it, baby. I'm so sorry for what I have been saying and doing. All I can think about was when we broke up and you and I hadn't seen each other for years. I was still so very much in love with you, but I did stupid things and it led to you leaving me."

"You cheated on me... are you doing that again? Because you are acting like you did when you cheated on me the first time." Olivia breathed as she finally looked at her husband. She looked right into his tear filled blue eyes as he shook his head.

"I made that mistake once, but I'll never make it again. Olivia, please let me make this all up to you."

"I think we should test out a separation."

"Liv-"

"I'll make up the pullout couch and crash there. You can take our room... we have to live together because of the kids. But we don't have to sleep together in the same bed. I think we just need to get to know each other again... marriage and kids have just been too distracting. It's like we aren't the same two people that fell in love in the first place."

"We aren't. We've grown and-"

"I've gotten worse. So I'm going to take a shower and go out for a bit... Rory asked for macaroni for dinner so I sat the box out."

"Liv, are you going to come home tonight?"

"I pray that I do." Olivia breathed, before swallowing hard and moving out of her husband's grip. She quickly left the kitchen as Elliot turned around slowly and watched as she headed towards the stairs.

"Are you going to say goodbye to the kids?" Elliot called after his wife.

"I'm not leaving them for good. Just tell them that I went to work. If I'm not here, I'm there anyway."

///

The kids woke up and were too hungry to wonder about where their mother was.

"Raven, you are a mess." Elliot chuckled, as he used a washcloth to clean cheese off of his little girl's face.

"I like my face looking like this!" She exclaimed, which sent both of her brothers and father into laughter.

"Well you look silly." Rory smiled. Elliot stood up after cleaning up Roland too, and he stopped when he saw Olivia watching them from the kitchen's doorway.

"Hey there, baby." Elliot spoke, and Rory quickly climbed off his chair and went running to his mother when he noticed her.

"Hey loves. Was dinner good?" Olivia asked and the kids were quick to nod.

"Yeah, Mama!" Raven exclaimed.

"Good, uh... can you three excuse me and Daddy? I have to talk to him real quick." Olivia breathed.

Elliot helped Roland down from his seat, before he sent him after his older siblings. 

"Did you get to think and stuff?" Elliot mused, and Olivia nodded.

"I did... and I also think that something is wrong with me." Olivia sniffled.

"What do you mean? Are you in pain?" 

"No, but you might be for the next several months."

"Me?" Elliot asked with wide eyes, before he realized what his wife was talking about. He smiled before moving closer to her and holding her close.

"This must have happened before we started to fight like crazy." Elliot breathed, and Olivia nodded slowly.

"I guess... El, we don't want more kids."

"We do want more kids... I was just an ass-"

"It's not confirmed yet, so maybe I'm just dying or something."

"Don't you dare say that." Elliot scolded his wife.

"We don't need another kid right now. When I swore that we were on the edge of getting a divorce. So I'm going to take another test and then figure this all out."

"We will figure this all out together. Okay?"

"If you insist."

///

Another test was taken and it came back positive just like the one before. But by the time morning came around, they didn't even have a shot to get an appointment to confirm the pregnancy because Olivia started to bleed and cramp.

"I knew that I shouldn't have told you." Olivia sniffled, as she laid curled up on the bed. Elliot caressed Olivia's back as she shook and whimpered.

"Olivia, I'm so sorry."

"I'm the sorry one, El. I'm such a horrible person." Olivia sniffled.

"You aren't horrible. You had no control over this."

"Mama?" Rory asked, and Olivia slowly sat up as she wrapped an arm around her stomach.

"What are you doing up? It's still early." Olivia spoke weakly.

"I heard you crying... I was worried." Rory frowned. Olivia swallowed hard as she reached out to her son.

"I'm just not feeling good... but Daddy is taking really good care of me. So why don't you go back to bed."

"Can I lay in here with you?" Rory asked, and Olivia nodded hesitantly.

"I'll come join you soon." Olivia breathed, before she slowly climbed off the bed and made her way to the bathroom.

Rory climbed onto the bed but then stopped suddenly.

"Bean?" Elliot asked, and Rory's eyes filled with tears as he pointed at the spot where his mother had been laying.

"That's blood, Daddy... and a lot of it."

"Bean, go back to your room." Elliot ordered, and Rory nodded as he ran off. Elliot quickly opened the bathroom door and found his wife gripping on tightly to the edge of the sink as tears poured down her cheeks.

"Liv, you are bleeding really bad... we need to get you changed. Take you to the hospital or something."

"Or something? All they are going to tell me is that I'm having a miscarriage. That I'm losing my baby and that nothing can stop that. So I'm going to just wait here and pray like crazy that this never happens again."

"You could get an infection if you don't pass everything!" Elliot exclaimed, as his wife started up the shower.

"We will get help then. But not now."