how to catch feelings

1

After a long summer of treading the fine texting line between just friends and something a little more than just friends, it was time to return to campus.

It was time to see if incessantly sending each other memes and Tik Toks had changed anything or if, as usual, I was just wildly overthinking everything.

Probably the latter.

Nevertheless, I was excited to return for the fall semester.

The air smelled like fresh starts and new opportunities as I unpacked my car.

My roommates weren't yet there, but they would be arriving that afternoon.

I hauled my things into my room and made the bed – just so I could sit on it and play on my phone.

One new notification, Tik Tok of course.

From Cole.

Awesome.

I went straight to my DMs and found a new video waiting for me.

Another cat, wearing a hat, some overused song playing in the background.

I sent back a laughing emoji.

Definitely overthinking everything.

***

Being that I had decided earlier in the summer to let the universe do what it wanted, I didn't ask if he wanted to hang out.

I would not be that needy. Nope.

What would we even talk about?

Hey, I went on an antidepressant this summer and I finally feel like myself and I'm not so busy losing my mind that I can't handle having a real conversation with you?

Actually, we already kinda covered that.

And who's to say we didn't already have real conversations?

Talking about places we wanted to see before we die, our anxieties about not being good enough, and, of course, cats.

I guess that last one might not have been what you would call intellectual, but whatever. It counts. Sort of.

Anyway, I was content to sit back and wait.

If I was actually waiting for something.

Only time would tell.

You be thinking, why wouldn't you just say something? Why wouldn't you just tell him you have a crush on him, Nat?

Good question.

Well, the previous summer, I was stupid enough to text a boy I had gone to high school with and tell him I had had a crush on him.

You'd better believe that backfired in a big way.

So after that, I decided I wasn't going to try to make things happen with anyone. If it happened, it happened. I was going to let the universe decide.

And so there I was, a year later, wondering every time he texted if the universe was trying to tell me something or if it was just playing with me.

Would've been hella nice to just have it written out, you know?

ANYWAY, I was just going to bide my time.

***

"So?" Meg asked.

"So what?" I turned on the couch so I could lay down and put my feet on her.

She sighed. "So have you texted him?"

"Cole?"

She just glared at me.

"Yeah? We text, like, every day."

That got me a smug little smile.

"We're just friends."

"Sure."

"I don't want to make things weird."

"This coming from... you."

"Oh, shut up. You know what I mean. I don't want to say something to him and find out he doesn't feel the same way and everything gets weird."

"If you say so."

Our phones buzzed; Meg reached for hers and I left mine where it was on the coffee table.

"Holy sh*t," she said a second later.

"What?"

"The university just sent out an email. Someone was murdered."

"A student?" I asked, sitting up to grab my phone.

"Yeah."

"They say who?"

"Dax Sharp?"

"Damn. I went to high school with him. He dated one of my friends."

"Sorry, pal."

I shrugged off her condolences. It's not like I really liked the guy, nor did I know him all that well.

"I'm gonna go to the office. I need to send some emails and make a few phone calls."

"About Dax?"

"Yeah. I'll be back later." I grabbed my lanyard from the kitchen table and left.

*** ***