how to catch feelings

11

"You never said how the talk with the police went."

You know how it goes, replaying conversations in your head. Well, I'd been replaying the one from our walk Sunday night, and I realized that he never mentioned the interview after it happened.

I swiped out of Messenger, not expecting an immediate response.

For all I knew, he could've been asleep.

I mean, it was only eleven, so it was unlikely, but not outside the realm of possibility.

Naturally, he texted back as soon as I closed out the app.

Back in.

"Sorry. It was alright, I guess."

"What'd they ask?"

"Just what you'd expect. If anyone was mad at him. You know, enemies."

"Ah."

"Didn't ask anyone for alibis, so I guess we're all in the clear."

"Where were you?" I asked. I sent the laughing emoji so he knew I was teasing.

"On Tik Tok, obviously."

"Of course. It's the place to be."

"For real."

I didn't know what to say next, so I decided to let the conversation die.

To Tik Tok, I guess.

Cole must've had the same thought, because there was a new video waiting in my DMs. Another cat, this one wearing a bow tie. And falling off a table.

Not impressive enough to garner five laughing emojis, but deserving of the middle-range rating of three.

I went back to the For You page, hoping to find something good enough to send him.

As it sometimes happened, an hour of scrolling and I came up empty.

Time to put the phone down and go to sleep, I guess.

***

Movie nights with the roomies and sheer exhaustion kept me off Tik Tok during the usual time for the next few nights.

It didn't matter, though, because Cole didn't seem to be on there either.

No notifications from him.

I'd get a Tik Tok notification, get excited, and then go into the app to see it was from Meg.

Nothing against Meg. Love her to death. But, you know, she isn't Cole.

By Friday night, the radio silence was driving me insane. Or about as insane as I got nowadays. So not very insane. But just enough.

I opened Messenger – you know, for serious conversation – and texted him.

"How's it going?"

I switched to Safari to look through my YouTube subscriptions.

Not feeling a baking video. Not feeling a Primark haul.

Alright, alright, I'm always down for a Mia Maples video. And God bless when it's a long one.

No sooner had I clicked on the video than Cole texted back.

"Meh. Been kinda depressed."

What do you say to that?

"Sorry" and empathetic sad face emoji it was.

He didn't respond.

RIP me.

"I'm always here if you ever need to talk," I said.