how to catch feelings

74

Monday went about as I expected, which is to say both of my classes left me with the general feeling of "what the actual fuck was that?"

First day jitters definitely called for a reward.

I took the indoor route in avoid trekking through all the snow. That presented the added bonus of giving the baristas time to make my drink before I got to Starbucks.

I ducked through the crowd to grab my drink. Whoever made it today had drizzled chocolate syrup all over the top. God bless.

As I took my straw wrapper to the trash, I glanced around the café.

And there we go, my reason for lying and saying I still had a class here Monday afternoons.

Cole was sitting by himself, laughing at whatever he was looking at on his phone. Undoubtedly Tik Tok.

I couldn't help but sneak up on him and say, "boo."

He didn't even flinch, just looked up with a grin. "Starbucks Mondays?"

"You know it. Can I sit?"

"Yeah, of course. How were your classes?"

"Hellish. Yours?"

"Meh."

"That good?"

"Something like that." He set his phone down and sighed. "So I guess you're probably still wondering what happened last semester. You know. The night at the football field."

I shrugged. "You don't have to tell me. I'm sure you have your reasons."

He certainly looked uncomfortable. "Yeah. Well. I mean, if you're cool with it, I'd actually kind of rather wait. To talk about it."

"Sure. All good."

"Thanks."

"Mmhm." I took a sip of my drink. Dang, that really hit the spot.

"Good?"

"Heavenly."

"Lit."

"Oh! I just remembered." I pulled out my phone and opened my camera roll. I needed to show him this meme of a dolphin playing a trumpet. Does the dolphin use its mouth, or does it use its blowhole?

Cole laughed. "Definitely the second one."

"For sure, for sure."

***

My phone buzzed. I half expected it to be Cole, but it turned out to be Kat.

"Making any progress?" she asked.

"No."

"Go harass Harding."

"Marcus told me not to." I slid down into my bed.

"Remember what I said before? You don't answer to him. Well, you do, but that's beside the point. My point is that your loyalty lies with the truth, not with the university communications department."

"I guess."

"Great. Go harass him."

"I don't know what to say."

"Bitch. Do I have to do your job for you?"

"That'd be nice," I said. I picked at a dry spot on my chin.

"Fuck that. No. It's your job now. You do it. I know you can."

"Wow. How kind of you."

"Just show up at his office and be like, hello sir, do you remember Kat? She says hi and also fuck you, sir."

"I'm not going to say that."

"Fine. Be that way."

"Okay."

"Alright, no, just be like, hello, sorry to have offended you by doing my fucking job. Would be nice if you could do yours and not get your team killed or expelled or any of that shit. Oh. And stop making your flunkies sell drugs for you. Not cool, man."

"That's still... a little out there."

"Hey, buddy, that's what you get for asking me for help."

I wanted to say that I hadn't asked for her help, but I didn't want to pick a fight. God knows she'd take it the wrong way for one reason or another.

"You're right. Thank you. For everything."

"Yeah. Sure. Any time."

That felt like a good place to leave it, so I swiped out of Messenger and set my phone aside.

The first week of classes had me exhausted. Maybe I'd take a nap.

Yeah. I'd take a nap.

*** ***