how to catch feelings

25

Meg and Damaris were both sitting on the couch waiting for me when I got back.

Keep a straight face. Keep a straight face. Keep a straight face.

"At the office, were you?" Damaris asked.

"Office light was off when I walked by," Meg said. "I must've missed you."

"Unless you weren't there at all."

"And why would you have left your breadsticks to go for a walk?"

"Must've been some really good air out there."

"Or a nice sunset."

Crap.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep a straight face.

"Go on, tell us about your walk, Nat."

"It was nice."

"Deets."

"It was a very nice walk. Walked up front, saw some trees."

"See anyone?"

"There were some people outside, yeah."

"See anyone in particular?"

"Saw our RA from last year."

"Anyone else? Any... boys?"

"There were boys, yes."

They exchanged a look. How far were they willing to go with this little game?

"Did you walk with Cole?"

Apparently that was as far as they were willing to go.

I couldn't even try to be serious. "Maybe," I said, just barely holding back the stupidest grin.

"You did."

"Maybe."

"That's a yes. That's definitely a yes."

"I did not say yes. I said maybe."

"What did you guys talk about?"

"None of your beeswax."

"Ooooh."

"Fine. We talked about cats on Tik Tok. And Disney movies. And Disney World."

"Anything else?"

"No. That's all you get. Did you eat my breadsticks?"

"They're in the fridge."

"Thanks," I said, getting up. "You're a good rat." I patted Meg on the head.

"The best rat."

"Whatever you want to tell yourself." I went back out to the kitchen to retrieve my breadsticks from the fridge.

The girls followed me.

"It may be a school night, but in honor of Nat's walk, I think we should open up the wine," Damaris said.

"I second that. Nat?"

"What the hell. Let's do it. And Disney. I need some karaoke."

"It's a done deal."

***

I was tipsy, yes, but I couldn't stop smiling as I went to bed.

I'd had a good day. Went for a walk, a very good walk, had a conversation with a good friend. And then came home to good roommates to watch a good movie with good music and drink good wine.

A very good day.

Would it ever be more than good?

I couldn't say.

I couldn't even hope. Or maybe just didn't dare to.

Maybe.

Did I want something more than good?

Maybe, maybe not.

Maybe good was good enough.

Yeah, I could settle for good. I could settle for things staying just the way they were, and never ever changing.

That would be very good.

*** ***