how to catch feelings

106

The case was closed in my mind, or at least closed to further investigation.

I wanted nothing more to do with the baseball team.

I could barely stand to continue my newspaper duties. Thank God we were coming up on the final few weeks of my term as editor-in-chief and I could push more and more tasks off onto Marie.

"Practice," I called it.

She protested, much like I had a year ago.

"It'll get easier," I told her. "Eventually."

"That doesn't inspire a lot of confidence."

"I know. But you can handle it. I wouldn't have picked you if I thought you couldn't handle it."

She looked at the EIC transition binder again.

"It looks like a lot, but it really isn't. Just a lot of routine. You'll pick it up soon enough."

"I dunno."

I turned and peeled a sticky note from my Mac. All traces of me would have to be tossed or collected and taken home. "Just don't sell ads to the strip club. Marcus will threaten to take away The Post's funding."

Marie laughed, albeit nervously.

"And stay the hell away from athletics if you can help it. They're a shitshow."

"Right."

"FOIA the hell out of anything that seems suspicious. There's part of the budget set aside for that."

"Okay."

"You want to run through interview questions again, or you wanna call it quits for the day?" I asked.

"Um... Maybe call it quits. I have a lesson in half an hour."

"Gotcha." I watched her stand up and gather her things. "You'll be fine. Easiest interview you'll ever have."

She grimaced.

"Alright. See ya."

"See ya."

Once the door had clicked shut behind her, silence fell upon the office.

I'd miss this fucking place, despite all the heartache it had brought me.

***

There was the usual curiosity written on my roommates' faces, but they didn't ask. It had been weeks since they asked.

"You want to go out for dinner?" Damaris asked me.

I opened the fridge to refill my water bottle. "You guys can go. I'm not feeling super great."

"Are you sure? We can go tomorrow."

"No, really. I'm good. You guys go."

Damaris and Meg exchanged a look.

I knew that look. "I'm fine. Okay? I'm just not hungry."

"Have you eaten today?"

"I had breakfast."

"And what did you have for breakfast?"

"A granola bar." The bare minimum to take my meds without giving myself an upset stomach.

"Natalie. Come on. You gotta eat."

I put the water jug away and closed up my bottle. "I will. Just not right now." I headed for the stairs, hoping they wouldn't follow me.

I just wanted to be alone, even though alone with my thoughts was the worst place to be.