how to catch feelings

29

I had about a million other things to say to her, such as how our focus had never been to get page views, but rather to keep students in the loop on things the university might not otherwise be bothered to tell them; how it was none of her business how I ran The Post because a) it wasn't her place and b) I didn't go around telling her how to teach poli sci; and how she could go fuck herself because clearly she was so horrible a person that no one else was going to do it for her.

Sadly, I could never actually say any of those things to her.

No, had to 'be a professional,' as Kat put it.

It was all about university politics, when it came down to it.

Had to play nice, even if the other kiddies were being dicks.

That being said, maybe I'd just FOIA for her personnel files and see if I could dig up any dirt on her.

Yeah, that would be good enough for now.

Ugh, FOIAs were absolutely disgusting.

"You know what, I'm in need of a walk," Damaris said. "Anyone want to walk to Starbucks with me?"

"Sure."

I grabbed my lanyard and then waited for the others to get ready to go.

It was decent enough outside, your average fall day in Michigan. Little chilly, little breezy, enough that you could smell the God-awful sugar beets in the next city over.

So, actually, pretty crappy.

I shivered in my hoodie – I hadn't wanted to put on a coat, but the stupid sweatshirt wasn't cutting it.

Too late to go back on my decision.

We walked across campus to the building housing the café, the library, and Starbucks. In other words, the hub of campus life.

There was a line, as usual, but it didn't take too long to order our drinks.

As we stood to the side, waiting, Meg nudged me.

"What?"

"Isn't that Cole over there?" she asked.

I looked where she was looking.

Sure enough, Cole was sitting at a table in the corner, earbuds in as he played on his phone.

"Yeah, so?"

"Just thought maybe you'd want to say hi or something."

"I'm good. But thanks, pal."

"Mmhmm."

I pulled out my cell phone, you know, to avoid further social interactions.

Check social media? Play a round of 2048? Sync my Fitbit?

The possibilities for the next few minutes were endless.

And yet, even with all those possibilities, I was not expecting the possibility of Cole sending me a text right then.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Starbucks has really good pastries."

"If you say so."

"Have you had their muffins?"

"No. I had one of their sandwiches once. It sucked."

"Sandwiches aren't pastries."

"I had one of their croissants once. Also sucked. Dried out."

"Alright, fair."

"Einstein's, on the other hand..."

"Right, far superior for bakery items."

"Exactly."

"So whatcha getting?"

"Double chocolate chip frappuccino?"

"Ah."

"What about you?"

"Hot chocolate."

"Their hot chocolate is also crap."

"Never said it wasn't."

"Then why did you get it?"

"Good question."

"I try."

"Nat. They've called your name twice," Damaris said.

"Ope." I darted forward to grab my drink.

Meg and Damaris already had theirs, but they stood there looking at me expectantly.

"What?"

"You aren't going to go talk to him?"

"Already talking to him."

"You're texting? When he's right there?"

"He texted me first."

"Doesn't matter."

"Does."

"That literally doesn't even... Whatever. We're gonna go back to the dorm, so you can come with us or you can stay here and... socialize."

"I hate socializing."

"All the more reason to stay."

I grimaced. And then I shot a text to Cole. "I gotta go. Was taking break from a project. It's due tomorrow."

"That's gross," he said.

And that was that.

***

"You should've stayed there," Damaris said when we were back at the dorm.

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Have you seen me try to talk to people? It's bad."

"I'm sure it's not that bad."

"Need I remind you of the time I was leaving a meeting and the one director said, 'nice to meet you,' and I said, 'thank you,' and then had to get the hell out of there before I died of embarrassment?"

"That kind of thing happens," Meg said. "I can't tell you how many times people have said things to me like 'enjoy your meal' or 'happy birthday' and I responded with 'you, too.'"

"Doesn't mean I want to purposely put myself in those situations. Besides, we can talk just fine over IM."

"If you say so."

"Hey. This is how I've stayed single for twenty-two years."

"Not really something to boast about, pal."

"Are you sure?" I stood up on one of the chairs. "I have been single for twenty-two years, and I don't see that changing any time soon. YOLO."

"All the more reason to, you know, go out and talk to people."

"I go out. I talk to people. Did both of those the other day."

"Fine. Die sad and alone."

"One: antidepressants. Two: cats. That's all." I sat back down.

*** ***