Scouts Honor (Riren)(Scouts Honor Book 1)

Revealing My Secret

*Warning- Mention of Depression and Suicide: Don't read if it's triggering. If you don't read it don't worry this chapter is just to provide a backstory to what Eren went through when his parents died. This chapter does not affect the plot to the rest of the book*

Saying that I'm happy is an understatement right now. Last night was one of the best nights of my life and I wish it didn't have to end.

This morning I woke up laying on Levi's chest and our legs tangled together, the only thing covering our naked bodies was a blanket. Levi kept to his word that he had other things planned for us.

When I opened my eyes, surprisingly, Levi was still asleep. 

I took in his facial features, they look different when he's sleeping because when he's awake it's always neutral.

I trace the line of muscles on his bare chest and stomach, feeling how toned but soft his body is. 

Looking up to his face I smile at how peaceful he looks. I want to kiss him but I don't want to wake him up. Hanji told me that he didn't sleep very well before he met me so I'm happy that he is more relaxed when around me.

I reach my hand up and gently caress Levi's cheek, careful not to do anything that would wake him up.

After a few moments, I slowly settle my hand on Levi's waist and admire his beautiful face.

'How did I get so lucky to get a man like him? I couldn't have asked for anyone better,' I thought to myself and smiled a little.

"What are you smiling about, amour?" Levi says to me, his voice deeper than normal from having just woken up.

"I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you in my life,"

"If anything, I'm the lucky one here, you are so much more amazing than me,"

"That is not true. If only you knew," I whispered the last part, hoping that he wouldn't hear me even though I'm right on top of him.

I wish that I didn't have to think about that right now. It hasn't crossed my mind in years but why now. I know I have to tell him someday but I didn't think it would be today.

I took a deep breath and sat up so I was leaning against the headboard of the bed.

"Levi, there's something I have...no... need to tell you and it may change the way you look at me but this is something I need to get off my chest,"

A look of concern came across Levi's face and he sat up more then looked me in the eyes.

"What is it, Eren?"

"I need to tell you what happened to me after my parents died. If I'm going to go further into this relationship then you need to see me for who I really am and not what I show other people,"

"Eren, nothing you say to me would make me think any different of you,"

"You say that now but..." he stops me by putting his finger against my lips.

"Hey, listen to me, nothing and I mean nothing you say will change how I view you, I love you for you and nothing can change that,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure,"

"Ok then. The day my parents died was the worst day of my life. When I first heard about the accident, I was numb, I couldn't do anything. In the beginning, I didn't eat anything for a week and I ended up in the hospital because I passed out. I tried going to a psychologist but that didn't help. Armin and Mikasa came over to see me a few times but I didn't talk to them. They just let me sit in my room staring at the wall all day. I was feeling so many feelings but at the same time, I didn't feel anything. I was feeling so many emotions that it was like my brain didn't know how to deal with them all so I was numb,"