HURT •Jaden Hossler•

Chapter 40

"I...", I said looking everywhere but Jaden's eyes. "You don't have to say it back, it oka-", Jaden said looking away from me seeing the sudden change in my expression. "No it's not that... it's just that... it means a lot to me to say that to someone", I said moving my hand to his cheek making him look at me. "Ali, it's fine", he said looking at me. "I don't want to make you upset", I said sitting up. "I'm not, I just wanted to tell you I guess", he said clearly upset. Jaden is not really good at hiding his emotions from me. Like on social media he can easily pretend he's alright and he's very good at it, but I can see right thru him. Jaden sat up to and looked at me. "I'm gonna shower", he said kissing my forehead and stood up. Before I could say anything he walked out after putting his underwear on. I felt so stupid for not saying it back. Because I do love him. I really do. I'm just too pussy to tell him that. And now he's mad or upset or something... If I tell him now, he'll think I'm telling him because he told me. I'm such an idiot!

That night I decided to just go asleep and try to think about what to do. Oh, who am I kidding? I didn't go to sleep and just pulled an all-nighter. I couldn't stop thinking about the look on Jaden's face when I didn't say it back. He looked truly hurt and I mean I would too if I confess my love for another person. When the clock hit 5 am I decided to just tell him today. I wouldn't back out of telling him, because I already knew what I feel towards him. I knew nobody would be awake so I got up and put on some sweats and a hoodie. I grabbed my car keys and my phone and went out of the house. Starbucks just opened twenty minutes ago so I got an iced coffee and went to the beach to watch the sunrise. It was quite cold this morning, but I love that. The sunrise was beautiful and I posted it on my Instagram Story. I got lost in the sound of the waves and the hot sun warming me up from the cold breeze that was going by. I shot out of my gaze when my phone went off. I picked it up without even looking at the caller ID.

"Yeah?", I asked looking straight ahead again. "Are you coming home any time soon?", Noah's voice came thru the phone. "Oh uhm, yeah?", I said. "Like right now?", he asked chuckling. "Why tho it's still early", I said shrugging. "Aliyah, it's 11 am", he said chuckling slightly. "Stop, you're lying", I said frowning and taking my phone off my ear and looking at the time. Yep, 11 am. "Yeah, I'm coming home", I said putting my phone to my ear again. "Okay, see you soon", he said. "Is there something you want to talk about?", I asked before he could hang up. "Yeah... it's... just come home", he said with a shaky voice. "Are you okay?", I asked concerned. "No, not really... I need to talk to you about it, only you", he said as his voice cracked at the end. "Okay, I'm coming", I said standing up from the sand and hung up. I could already tell what it was going to be about, so I knew why he was upset.

I arrived home and went inside. I said good morning to everyone and locked eyes with Jaden. He quickly looked away and I let my smile fall. He IS upset. I just let it pass and walk to Noah's room, since I didn't see him in the kitchen. I knocked on his door and I could hear him cry. "Noah?", I asked opening the door and closing it behind me. He had his head in his hands and soft sobs came out. "Noah", I said walking up to him and sitting next to him. I put my arm on his back and rub it up and down. "What's up?", I asked softly. "It's his birthday", he whispered still looking down. His voice would for sure break if he would talk normally. "Nico?", I asked pretty sure he was talking about his brother. He nodded slowly letting out a loud sob. "Come here", I said putting my other hand on the back of his head. He wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned his head on my shoulder.  I could feel the tears staining my hoodie, but I didn't mind. Tears slowly started to form in my eyes, hearing him cry just breaks my heart. That is for all of my friends. He pulled away and run his hands thru his messy hair. He looked at me and gave me a weak smile. "Why are you crying?", he asked. "I... I don't know", I said chuckling wiping away the tears, "I always cry when I see people cry who I care about." He chuckled and shook his head. "What are you gonna do today?", I asked. "I wanna visit his grave and just... yeah only that actually", he said looking down. "Do you want me to go with you?", I asked putting my hand on his. "Only if you're not busy", he said looking at me. "I'm just gonna visit my dad", I said shrugging. He nodded and hugged me. "Thank you", he whispered. "Always", I said smiling.

Later that day we left to got to Nicolas' his grave. We first went to buy flowers and a little candle. Noah told me he loved vanilla candles so we bought that one. As we arrived at the graveyard we had to walk for a little bit before arriving at his grave. We stopped talking and I could tell it was hard for Noah. We arrived and we stood in front of the grave. I read the tombstone and it said 1996. He was just about to be 24 years old. That is so unreal. Like he had a whole life ahead of him. I see the tears rolling down Noah's cheek and I grabbed his hand while holding the flowers in the other hand. Noah took a big breath in and started to talk. "Hey bro... uhm... Happy birthday... I-", he started but his voice got cut off. I squeezed his hand slightly. "I really miss you... a-and I'm sorry that I didn't come earlier... I j-just couldn't a-accept you were really gone...", he said letting out a sob. "I hope heaven is like how you told me you thought it would be like ... I love you so much... and w-we'll see each other again", he said biting his lower lip to hold in the sobs.

(A/N: as soon as I started to write this part the song 'the day I died' by the bootleg boy came on, and I started to tear up. Because Noah's brother (in my story) passed away because of a car crash and the lyric literally says: "Yeah I crashed my car, sorry that I can't be there... But the flowers by my grave are getting old... Yeah I crashed my car, sorry that I'm not breathing. Voice shaking, asking god if you can see me."
Like what?!?!)

We put the flowers on his grave and lit up the candle. After a few minutes Noah was ready to leave so we did. We drove to the jail and he stopped the car just before the gate. "Are you okay?", I asked looking at him. "Yeah, just go in", he said giving me a little smile, "I think I need to be alone for a minute." "Okay, I won't be long", I said hugging him and getting out. I walked to the gate and looked back at the car. Noah's head was down and I knew he was really upset. I quickly walked in since I was already late. I got thru security and soon after saw my dad. I told him about the trip we were going to take. We decided to go to Bora Bora for two weeks. I also told him that I would come by when I'm back home. He told me about his life with Samira before everything that happened. It looks like he still loves her. "Do you still love her?", I asked letting out a small smile. He nodded and smiled back, "yeah... but I can't ask her to wait for me." "Why not, she still loves you", I said shrugging. "You know kid, when you love somebody so much as I love Samira. It's sometimes better to let them go. And that's what I did. I told her to move on and find love again, even tho it hurts like a bitch", he said letting out a light chuckle at the end. "And she did do that", I said. "She was mad at me first. And she stopped coming and I totally get that. And after 4 months she came back and told me about Scott. She thought I was gonna be mad, but honestly I can tell he makes her happy", he said with a little smile. I smiled back at him and asked him for some advice.

"How do you tell someone that you love them?", I asked looking at my hands. "You just say, ' hey you! I love you'", he said chuckling. "Haha, no for real", I said with a sarcastic laugh. "Tell me the situation", he said leaning on one hand with his head. "Do you remember Jaden?", I asked. "Oh the boyfriend, right?", he asked. "Yep him... so he told me he loves me last night, but... I didn't say it back", I said pressing my lips together. "Well, do you love him?", he asked raising his eyebrows. "Yeah, I do", I said letting out a small smile thinking about Jaden. "Why didn't you tell him?", he asked. "I don't know. I chickened out and now he's upset with me", I said looking down. "It's fine Ali. It's a scary thing to do, but if the time it really right? You'll tell him. With all you confidence", he said nodding at me. I looked at him and he smiled at me. "Thanks dad", I said smiling back at him. It was the first time I called him dad in front of him. "Uhm... no problem kid", he said smiling big. The only thing I needed to do was the one thing I was scared of most... telling Jaden I love him.

A/N

Little sad chapter for Noah :(
But soon the trip to Bora Bora :)))

I really wanna go on vacation at the moment, even tho this school year just started...
But you know, it izz what it izz!

The trip it also gonna be... INTERESTING (hehe)