HURT •Jaden Hossler•

Chapter 45

We sat down on the bed and faced each other. I looked down at my hands and the room went insanely quiet. "I need to tell you something...", Jaden started. I looked up at him and he was already looking at me. I give him a little nod letting him know he can continue. "Yes, I was with Mads the other day, but it wasn't like that", he said. He stayed quiet probably waiting for me to say something, but I knew if I would say something I would probably scream. And I'm trying not to punch a mirror right now.  "My manager thought it would be good for us to record a song together, and he even asked if... we wanted to be a fake couple", he said. That last past make me look at him frowning. "I know I know, but I told him I'm not doing that because I'm with you", he said grabbing my hands making me stop picking at my nails. "Are you still going to record a song with her?", I asked looking at our hands. "Hey, look at me", he said cupping my face, "I don't want to, I really really do not want to. But otherwise they will take away my record deal."

"Are you for real?", I asked frowning at him. "Yeah, I don't know what to do", he said looking down. I could tell it made him upset. Music means everything to him and I get that he had no clue what to do. "Jay, you are the most talented person I know. Anybody should be grateful to work with you. And honestly if those guys don't want to respect your boundaries then it's not worth it", I said shrugging squeezing his hands. "I'm just scared to lose my record deal", he said looking at me. "I know, but you have a whole career ahead of you", I said. "Yeah, that's true", he said looking down again. "I'm sorry about Theo", I said breaking the silence. "Who is Theo?", he asked frowning. "The guy from yesterday, he works behind the front desk", I said. "Oh... yeah", he said nodding. "Did you think I cheated on you?", I asked. "Yeah... no? I don't know, maybe", he said unsure. "Jay, I only love you. Nobody else", I said giving him a little smile. "I know, but just seeing him hug you and you two talking like that... I want to have that with you", he said quietly. "Trust me, it wasn't even close to what I have with you", I said cupping his face.

We've been talking the past hour. Just about random stuff, but we seem to be better. I really missed him and the way I felt at ease around him. I was talking about what I wanted to do here in Bora Bora, while Jaden was playing with the rings on my fingers. I had a feeling that he wasn't really paying attention to what I was saying. He was just staring down at our hands and smiling like a goof. "...so then I kissed him", I said joking. "Kissed who?", he asked looking up at me fast. "No one Jay, you weren't listening", I said chuckling. "Sorry, I zoned out", he said smiling and looking down again continuing what he was doing earlier. "Tell me something about you", he asked out of the blue. "What?", I asked chuckling. "Uhm, Bryce said that we didn't know each other well enough, because we don't have like deep talks or whatever. So tell me something nobody knows about you", he said explaining and smiling. "Okay, uhm", I said trying to think about something.

"I'm actually scared of my dad", I said shrugging. It was the only thing I could think about, but it was true. "Why?", he asked. "I don't know, it's weird. Like I love getting to know him and building this bond with him, but he's behind a screen now. But like what if he's totally different when he gets out? And I don't know what he did that made him go to jail", I said. "But does it really matter what he actually did to put him there?", Jaden asked. "I guess not... but it runs thru my mind every time I see him", I said. "Why don't you just ask him?", he asked. "I think it's a touchy subject, maybe he doesn't want to talk about it", I said shrugging. Jaden nodded and pulled me in for a hug. He laid down and pulled me down with him. I was snuggled up to one side and he wrapped his arms around my waist. "Now you tell me something about you", I said smiling and closing my eyes taking in his scent.

"I thought about it again", he said almost whispering but I still heard him. "About what?", I asked still with closed eyes. "Ending my life", he said now almost audible. I sat up and looked at him. He already had tears in his eyes, but he wasn't looking at me. "For how long Jaden?", I asked. "A-about a month", he said stuttering. "Why?", I asked. "I-I feel like I don't belong anymore. It's like everyone is moving on with life and I'm stuck. And every day I just want to stay in bed and don't do anything, knowing I have a whole load of stuff to do", he said frowning and starring down at his hands. I was already tearing up seeing him in this state again. "A-and then there is this little voice in the back of my head saying.... 'you're not important', 'nobody cares about you', 'she deserves more than me'", he said. "She?", I asked. "Yeah... you", he said looking at me. The tears were now streaming down on both our faces, but the difference was that Jaden looked numb to it.

"Jay, you know I love you, right?", I asked looking at him. He looked down not answering me. "If you didn't know... I love you Jaden Hossler, and people do care about you. Your parents love you so much, they talk about you all the time. And the boys they would do anything for you, that's how much they care", I said putting my hand on his. "I don't know if I was able to be this stable if it wasn't for you", I said looking down. "I was gonna run away from my life with terrible parents, but I had amazing friends. I thought there was no way out, but you made me change my mind. You made sure I was okay and knew there were people out there caring for me. You showed me how to love again. You showed me how to feel again", I said as a tear rolled down my cheek. "Jaden, you are important to ME. I just hope that is enough to stay and live your life not surviving it", I said looking at him. He slowly looked up and bit his lower lip. "Sometimes I feel like I'm not really here, like-", he said. "You're somebody else?", I asked finishing his sentence. "Yeah", he said. "I know what you mean, but please talk to me or anyone. It's not the only solution to end what you're feeling", I said. He sat up again and hugged me. "I-I'm sorry", he said while his voice broke. "It's okay", I said trying to keep my voice steady.

We cuddled for ten minutes when I got a text from Maya. "Maya asks if we are coming to the pier in like an hour", I said reading the message while Jaden was laying on my chest. "Hmm", he mumbled not moving one muscle. "Is that a yes?", I asked putting my phone away and playing with his hair. "Hmm", he mumbled again tightening his grip around me. "Jayyy", I said whining. "Aliii", he said mumbling in the dress I was still wearing. "Can we please go?", I asked softly. "No, I want to cuddle", he said sticking out his bottom lip still with his eyes closed. "We can do that tonight. We are in Bora Bora, I want to see what the hype is about", I said chuckling. "Promise?", he asked mumbling digging his face in the crook my neck. "Promise", I said giggling as he was kissing my neck. "Okay", he said removing his lips from my neck and moving off me.

I smiled looking at him. I went out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. "I'm gonna shower", I said hoping he would join me. "Alone?", he asked still with his eyes closed. I looked at him and after a few seconds he opened his eyes looking at me. "Whatever you say", I said pulling the dress over my head to be only standing in my bra and thong. His eyes widen a little bit and I smiled. I turned around and walked to the bathroom. I turned the shower on and soon after Jaden stood by the doorway. "Don't tease me like that", he said looking me up and down. "Don't let me then", I said tilting my head looking at him serious. He shook his head and walked up to me. He lifted me up placing me on the counter. "I missed this", he said smiling at me. It wasn't just lust, it was cute in some kind of way.

A/N

Hey babes,
I just wanted to say, if you ever feel down or alone. Know that it's just temporary. Life only puts you thru this stuff, because it knows that you're strong enough to face it. And even when you feel like you're not, there are always people there to help you.

If you ever think about ending it all. Know that it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It doesn't solve anything. If you want to talk about anything or just want to let it out, send me a message. I want you so feel save and know that you're loved for the person YOU are, and only YOU!

If nobody said it to you today. I LOVE YOU<33

Thanks for reading bubs <333