HURT •Jaden Hossler•

Chapter 36

I hear a soft knock on my door and I let out a sniff. "Ali, can I come in?", Addison asked softly. I stood up and opened the door meeting her face. "Awh baby", she said walking in and hugging me tight. I let out a breath and started to sob again. After a few minutes she let me go and I wipe away my own tears. She closed the door and we sat on my bed. "What happened?", she asked facing me. "I... I thought I was pregnant, but I'm not... I probably have a disorder, but they are not sure yet... and Anthony... he's not my brother", I said almost whispering the last part. "What do you mean?", she asked frowning. "We have different parents. His dad and my mom, Sam, are brother and sister", I said. "Wow... when did you find out?", she asked. "When we went to lunch with Samira and Scott", I said. She nodded and stayed silent. After that we talked for a little bit. I explained to her what doctor Carter told me and that I have to go back. I'm not really concerned about it, so I try not to think about it to much.

The rest of the day we stayed in the house. The boys were gonna film a TeaTok video and Avani and Maya were also filming. Addison had a photoshoot and I decided to stay home. I told Jaden I was going to be in his room, because we were going to have a movie night later. I walked into his room and let myself fall on his bed. I take in his scent, that may sound weird, but I don't care. I lift myself off his bed and sat up. I look at his table and saw his notebook. You know the one I talked about? That one. He never really forbit me to look in it, but never really said I could just read it. I doubted for about ten minutes, but decided to just look at it and put it away fast. I stood up from my position and picked up the notebook. I looked at the cover and smiled. It had these little drawing on it. He used to do it in high school too. And if I'm honest he can actually draw pretty good. I run my fingers over the drawings and decided to finally open it. The first couple pages where just sentences with different meanings. Then Comatose was on one of them. I read over it quickly and I could hear his voice in the back of my head. As I go thru the pages I come across another lyric. At the top of the page it said 'Pray'. I don't think I've ever heard it. I read it slowly and started to tear up.

Heaven only knows when I'm in hell
None of my friends can even tellI wanna fucking die, but I never say itSick of getting high, but I do the same shitI can't even cry, so I try to fake itI hate it

I feel a tear role down my cheek but I let it fall. I'm so concentrated on the lyric. It hurt me to think that he feels like this. I know he's been thru a lot and that he wasn't happy a while ago.

I pray to God, let me die in my sleep
I pray to God, let me die in my sleep
You're as sick as all the secrets you keep
But the truth is, I don't wanna be me
I pray to God, let me die in my sleep

But this? It's just unreal. You know... in high school you always be the person other people want you to be. Or be the person your parents want you to be. After we graduated or dropped out, I saw that Jaden really became himself. That's for all of us. We all changed so much.

Now I'm waking up and I'm not dead
Living off the words I know you said
I feel like I'm alive and I'm gonna make it
Maybe if I cry I don't have to fake it
I'm giving up my pain, so you can take it
I hate it

I hope he doesn't feel like this right now... or ever again. He deserves to live. I also didn't know it was this bad. I always hoped he would talk to someone when he was not okay, because he's always there for everyone. But I don't think he does.

I pray to God I don't die in my sleep
I pray to God I don't die in my sleep
I'm as sick as all these secrets I keep
But the truth is, I can only be me
I pray to God I don't die in my sleep

I pray to God I don't die in my sleep
I pray to God I don't die in my sleep
I pray to God I don't die in my sleep
And now I'm sick of all the secrets I keep
I pray to God, let me die in my...

I look at the page and see that my tears are making the ink leak. I bite my lower lip and wipe away my tears. I close the notebook and looked up. My eyes met with his. Jaden's. I looked at him and gave him a little smile. He did the same and sat next to me. "What's up?", he asked grabbing my hand. "I uh... read 'Pray'", I said looking at him. He nodded slowly and looked away from me. I pulled my legs up to sit cross-legged. I faced him and hold his hand with two hands. "Do you still feel like that?", I asked referring to the song. "No... at least less", he said still not looking at me. "Jay, look at me", I said softly. He slowly looked up at me. "Please tell me if you're feeling like that, okay?", I said. He nodded and pulled me in for a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes. He kissed my neck before pulling away. "Are you okay?", I asked still having my hands on the back of his neck. "Yeah, I've been a lot better for a while now", he said with a little smile. I smiled and let go of him.

"How are you?", he asked putting the emphasis on 'you'. "Overwhelmed, mad, upset, happy... I don't know", I said shrugging and standing up.  "What are you happy about?", he asked leaning back on his elbows. He had this stupid grin on his face making me smile instantly. "My friends, somewhat my family... and you", I said starting to blush. His smile grew and he sat up. He reached out for my hand and pulled me towards him. I stood in between his legs as his face was at the same height as my breast. He looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back at him and cupped his face. I moved down to him and kissed his lips. His hands were holding the back on my upper legs. He slowly moved one leg up putting it on one side of him without breaking the kiss. He quickly did the same with the other leg and I was now sitting on his lap. I moved my hands to the back of his head slightly pulling at his still curly black hair. Jaden rested his hands on my hips and started to move up and down my sides. He soon moved his hand under my shirt and his hot hands made my skin burn. The make out started to get more heated and it turned me on... a lot.

We were making out for a good fifth teen minutes now. Jaden's hands manage to find their way to under my butt and he squeezed them slightly. I broke off the kiss letting us both catch our breath. Jaden moved my hair out of my face putting it behind my ear. I let out a chuckle and I slowly started to get off his lap. I walked to his closet and grabbed a hoodie. "Uhm Ali?", Jaden said still sitting on the same spot. I turned around looking at him. He looked down at his lap and there was a red spot. He looked up at me again and I looked down at my sweats. I pressed my lips together walking out of his room. I walked to the bathroom and locked the door. I pulled my sweats down and saw a big red spot in my sweats and string. I was so embarrassed. Not that I was on my period, because who cares, but that I leaked thru on Jaden. My face was really red, almost as red as... okay sorry. After a few minutes there was a knock on the door. "Ali please open the door. It's okay", Jaden said.

I unlocked and opened the door and Jaden stood there with a little smile. "I-I'm sorry", I said looking away. "Ali, it's okay. You don't chose to be on your period and honestly I'm not mad about it", Jaden said wrapping his arms around my neck pulling me close. "It's not that I don't know your body", he whispered. I could sense he was smirking like a total fuck boy. I pulled away and I was right. I shook my head chuckling. "Are you not grossed out?", I asked. "It's a natural thing. Mother nature made it, so it's beautiful. Just like you", he said taping my nose. I smiled and we pulled away. I'm so thankful for him.

A/N

Hiii,
I hope you had a good day and it's finally weekend :)))

But goodnight luvs and I'll see you soon <333