My Domestica | My Bodyguard Book 2

Chapter 29 | Roadworks

Geralt POV

Geralt could feel Jaskier's searching eyes on him, but did no more than glancing towards the man. He listened to the answer, supposedly unfeeling heart sinking with each word. But he kept it together and didn't let this show on his face, because he had to and he was trained to be better than this.

"Hm," Geralt said again. Couldn't. Couldn't love Jaskier. Was that what the man thought? Yes, it was the truth, but not for the reasons that had probably come to Jaskier's head. If Geralt wanted them to stay safe, if he wanted to be able to stay with the Corps and observe, to keep his job, to keep Ciri in one piece, then loving Jaskier wasn't an option. 

It wasn't because of who the man was or what he had done. It was because lack of emotion had been trained into Geralt, and that on top of everything else was just going to tear them apart. He couldn't put all of that into words. Not out loud. The best he could get was, "it's my fault, not yours."

Ciri thought they were together. Of course she did. Actions spoke louder than words, and no matter what it was that Geralt had said, he had essentially been acting like he and Jaskier were together.

Even if the other dangers and obstacles weren't there, Geralt simply wasn't ready for a relationship right now. Things with Yennefer had ended recently enough, and they had been together a long time. Long enough that most people would have already proposed. It still stung, how they had ended, what had suddenly been cut from their lives. He didn't know if Yennefer had recovered yet. He silently suspected she hadn't. But his business was with himself, and he knew that he wasn't ready.

He glanced at Jaskier again, trying to catch his eye, but the man was staring out the window with such determination that Geralt didn't try very hard. He looked straight ahead again, listening briefly for Ciri's sleepy breathing.

Julian POV

Jaskier looked over towards Geralt when he spoke those words, confusion littering over his voice. His tone was still gentle and soft, the discussion staying light and relaxing. "What do you mean? It's my fault." He explained lightly, giving Geralt's hand a light squeeze in reassurance. Nothing was Geralt's fault here. Jaskier was the one who had grown up in such a way, he was the one who had done unspeakable things, not Geralt.

Geralt had done nothing but give him love and support through the whole entire thing and even when he revealed one of the harder parts of his past, one of the worst and most gruesome, he still, even if he judged him, acted like he had not and still supported Jaskier. Hell, he still kissed him, held his hand, and gave him small comfort words, checked if he was okay and such. Jaskier deserved none of it, Geralt was too good for him, as a person and hell, Jaskier shouldn't even have the privilege.

"Geralt, would you ever come to London for a week or something, or if there is a business located there, would you pop into the cafe? It's called RoseHill Cafe, it's small and about half an hour's walk from the mansion. I don't expect you to even want to come, hell I don't know if I could even deal with the pain of bringing you to London just to say goodbye-" He asked lightly, knowing it was probably too much to go ahead and ask that Geralt be around him any longer in the future. He caught himself, even though his tone was low and voice was quiet, he was still ranting. His hands, he didn't notice but they had started shaking slightly at some point. Hell, since when did he start adopting Geralt's tells?