Letting Go

Forty-nine

Thursday

"Autumn..."

Tumingin ako sakanya ng may pagtataka.

"May... May, sasabihin ako."

Kinabahan nanaman ako. Lumakas nanaman ang tibok ng puso ko, pero tinanong ko parin kung ano 'yon.

"Ano?"

Deep silence.

"Roses are red,
Violets are blue."

I arched my brow as I wait for the next line he would say.

"The meaning of death,
Shows the worth of my love for you."

"Some may say, death is when something's gone,
But no, death is the start,
When something has begun."

I inhaled just a small portion of earth's pollution, as I wait for when he would end it.

"The value of death, is seen where there's life...
So as my love, is called death for opening up my eyes.
For it hurts more than a stab of a knife,
But the start of bringing me back to life."

Ilang minuto akong nakatitig sakanya, iniintay ang susunod nyang sasabihin.

"Ang lalim, 'di ko na-gets."

At seryoso ako sa sinasabi ko. Sa sobrang dami nyang alam, hindi ko naintindihan.

"The love I have is death. It is the end but is just the start, of bringing me back to life. An open gate of heaven."

"Smile!"

I clicked the camera. Nginitian nya lang ako at tumawa kami. His laugh, I wouldn't forget. Yung mga ngiti nyang 'yon, its sound, I can feel its blissfulness.

Pinitik nya ang ilong ko at tumawa, "Joke."

Tumawa ako sakanya at tumayo na hawak-hawak ang fishing rod. Kinuha nya naman ang pail at binigay 'yon sa mag-iihaw. Hinubad ko ang shoes ko at binaba ang paa ko habang nakaupo. I let it swing. I felt his arms on my shoulders.

I have to be with this moment, and forget what I'm doing.
I stare at him, as he stares at the horizon.

"If there would be something as a horizon..."

I breathed deeply. Controlling my tears not to flow through my cheeks. Hindi nya pa alam na nalaman ko na, at wala pa 'kong balak sabihin sakanya. Ayokong makita nya 'kong umiiyak sa harap nya. This is not the time to break down.

"It is something we have."

I can feel the breeze. Malakas ang hampas ng hangin dahil maraming puno. We went here for fishing, and since free-day ko, inaya nya 'ko. He told me he has to make it up for three weeks. Those three weeks, those times he is going to prove things to me.

"It is the thing called love."

I chuckled. I was never like this. I was never this romantic and they know how much I'm not expecting these things to come.

"Because that's where we met. That's how we met."

Tahimik syang yumuko. Humawak sya sa ilong nya at hinilot 'yon. Tumalikod ako at tumayo. Pinigilan ko ang luha ko na nagbabadyang kumawala. Pinigilan ko ang bibig ko na may gustong sabihin. Umalis ako at hinayaan muna sya doon.

"S-Sorry... Sorry."

"For what?"

Nagkunwari akong hindi ko pa alam ang lahat.

Umiling lang sya at yumuko. Nagpunta ako pabalik sa kubo. Huminga ako ng malalim. Nag-focus muna ako kung saan. Inaya nya 'ko dito para makapag-relax.

Kumuha ako ng cup at nagtimpla ng coffee. Kinuha ko ang shawl ko at binalot ko 'yon.

"Tara na."

His eyes are red, and so as his face. Huminga sya ng malalim at hinawakan pa ulit ang ulo nya. Tumayo ako at naglakad kasabay nya.

"Saan tayo pupunta?"

"Somewhere."

***

I watched the red sky. I look at the sunset as it goes down the horizon. The evening starting, twilight.

"Daybreaks and evenfall?"

Nginitian nya lang ako at tumango.

"Those are the greatest view. Marami naghahanap pa ng iba. But there, its naiveté catches heart. Yung iba, nandito na. Nasa harap mo nalang pero hindi mo pinapansin."

We are on a swingset. Watching the sundown.

The swing goes up and down, and so as the sun. Moreover our lives...

Up and down.

-

A/N: SHORT UPDATE.