Letting Go

Nineteen

"Tss." Nakita kong hawak-hawak nya ang ulo nya, na parang nakaramdam ng hilo.

"Tae, Hello Kitty." Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at nagkunwariang tulog habang pinipigil ko ang tawa ko.

Wala 'tong utang na loob. Ergh! Ang sarap ihagis sa building!

"Gumising ka na." Niyugyog nya 'ko ng malakas pero nagkunwarian parin akong tulog.

"Kunwari ka pang palagay-lagay ng hati sa kama, gusto mo rin naman akong makatabi." Bulong nya.

"Bah! Ang kapal mo talaga! Lumayas ka nga dito!" Napatayo ako dahil sa sinabi nya. Kainis, ang yabang.

Hinampas hampas ko sya ng unan dahil sa pagkaasar ko. Nakakunoot ang noo ko habang ginagawa ko 'yon. Dang! I hate you, Chill!

"Hey!" He pulled me and--

And the next thing I knew is that, I'm not feeling normal. I can hear my heart goes dug, after I've been on his top.

After I've been on his top.

After I've been on his top.

"Tss. Tumayo ka nga. Ang bigat mo, baboy." Tumayo ako at tinakpan ang namumula kong mukha.

"Nasan yung damit ko?" He asked me while shaking his head.

"Na-Nasa CR." Nakatalikod kong sagot.

Nakatulala akong nakaupo sa kama ko. Hindi mag-sink in sa utak ko yung mga nangyari. Ilang minuto rin na ganun 'yong pwesto ko. He makes me feel uneasy. It's so... I hate it.

Narinig kong lumabas na sya sa CR kaya umayos ako ng kilos at upo.

"5:30 pm na pala." He said as he look at his wristwatch.

"Salamat." Tumingin ako sakanya, and I saw his face smiling. A genuine one.

Woah. Thank you from a Gonzales?

"Layas." Turo ko sa pinto.

Sheep ka naman Chill, tinutunaw mo 'ko. Though it's not the word I want to say, ayokong isipin nya na sobra naman akong magka-concern sakanya. Yuck no.

"Eto na. Bye my illegitimate girlfriend." He chuckled.

His chuckle!

"Daming alam." Tumalikod ako at nahiga sa kama.

Napakagat ako sa labi ko.

No, this can't be. I won't break down, you crap.

--

Kinabukasan, typical day lang ang meron ako. Normal day, like what I've been used to.

Typical cafeteria's lasagna, typical chitchats with blockmates, typical pestering of the most annoying pest, Chill Gonzales.

But not when I feel a puzzle of my heart being taken away.

I don't know whether I'm being caught by his net, I don't know if he is the cause of the dug in my heart, I don't know if I like him.

But now's not the right time, my martyrdom satisfies me.

"I need you again..." Elle muttered.

"We were great pretenders right? But were, will always be in the past. I'm sorry but I have Autumn now."

Hinila nya ang kamay ko paalis sa lugar kung saan sila nag-usap ni Elle.

Ngumiti ako ng mapait.

Kasama nila ako the whole time. And I felt shameful of myself. Para akong third wheel. I know, wala akong karapatang magalit, but to be in that place? While he is saying lies? I can't.

"I'm your illegitimate girlfriend... And that proves me right. I'll be useful by the time you need me. Magpapanggap ako, bilang kunwaring girlfriend mo sa harap nya."