𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐒 | 𝐊- 𝐏𝐎𝐏

𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖿𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗍𝗒 𝖿𝗂𝗏𝖾

Your first few months of university life were some of the most difficult months of your life.

You fought your way through your classes, much less motivated than you had thought you would be – you worked so hard in high school, so why wouldn’t you do the same in college. The problem was that you were so emotionally exhausted even before the school year started that all the lectures and homework made you feel like a sick pack-horse lugging around your massive bookbag. The full load of classes you decided to start the year off with were a bad idea in retrospect, but it was too late to change anything anymore, so you were determined to finish the semester strong – you were tutored by Namjoon, after all, and you wouldn’t let him down.

You were also so focused on trying to get through your school work that you had no time to spend trying to make friends. Because of your anxiety and quiet disposition, talking to others was like pulling teeth. Every time someone tried to approach you, goose pimples rose on your arms that you swore spelled “awkward loner” in braille. Your voice stuck in your throat and you couldn’t even reciprocate most greetings. Without your brothers or Taehyung to give you a boost of confidence and force you out of your comfort zone, you were all alone. No one was there to force you to interact with people, so you mainly just sat by yourself in class and at lunch, trying to avoid eye-contact and blaring music through your headphones.

Your family often called you, but their sweet words couldn’t make you feel as good as a physical hug could. You spoke to Seokjin the most out of everyone back home. He told you about how his senior year was stressing him out so much he was losing hair, how Namjoon was thinking about quitting medical school and writing music instead, and sometimes even how Taehyung was doing at his dad’s business in Daegu. He also told you about what happened after you left.

Apparently, the day you headed out for Busan, Taehyung didn’t know where you were going or which from platform your train would leave – since you never told him which college you had chosen – so he ran to your house instead. Seokjin refused to tell him where you were, and Taehyung had nearly burst into tears. The news planted a small seed of hope in your chest, the roost growing deep enough to turn your stomach, but you quickly shoved the hope away. You wouldn’t allow yourself to hope for anything, just to get hurt again. It was his own fault the two of you missed your chance to talk, not yours, and it was his burden to bear.

You were going to move on.

It was embarrassingly often that you were tempted to call Taehyung – even though you changed your number, you still had his saved – but you weren’t sure whether you would chew him out or tell him to come find you. You sometimes imagined yourself yelling at him over the phone, demanding an apology and confessing everything he’s done to hurt you – but you knew it would probably end with you apologizing for getting so testy with him. You wanted so bad to cry, scream, and finally let loose everything that had been haunting you for all these years. Maybe then, Taehyung would get it through his thick head that this was all on him. But you were too weak to confront him – stupid, nice Y/N.

No matter how much you resented him, or how much Seokjin and Jeongguk pushed you to move on and find someone else – the “finding someone new” part was implied since the boys would never allow a boy near you if they were around – some part of you was always going to want him.

Your dormmate was in full support of you meeting someone new. Park Jimin – or Jamie, as she preferred – was a talkative, outgoing girl who immediately brought you under her wing. She took care of you like a mama bear, making sure no one sleazy approached you, picking you up from class when it was dark outside, and reminding you to do your homework when you needed a little help. The only problem was that Jamie had an entirely different major than you and the two of you had no classes together. Unless it was for group projects, you never talked to anyone else in your lectures. She was understanding, at least, and happy to comfort you during particularly difficult or lonely days.