Singing Songs of the Old Days *Book 4 to Second Chances*

Chapter 21

Star went back to the car where Crimson was quietly sitting. She wondered why it had taken her mother so long to get the mail. However she did not ask any questions, but she noticed a sort of change in how her mother was moving, her facial expressions, and the way she said," You ready to go home?"

Crimson smiled and nodded.

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The next day Crimson got out of school early after tests. Jayy drove her home then went on to his house when he saw Crimson walk safely inside the door.

Star was not home. She was working until 7 that evening. Crimson heard her up at 2 in the morning. She did not know why her mother was up so early, but she did not want to be nosy and ask questions either.

Crimson went upstairs and changed out of her dirty school clothes. That morning at breakfast she and Jayy got into a pancake slap fight so she had syrup all over her shirt and jeans.

Crimson changed into her rainbow colored tiger print pajama pants and white tank top then went down stairs throwing her dirty clothes in the laundry basket on her way.

She turned on the TV and laid her body down along the soft black leather couch. 'The Little Mermaid' was the only thing she could find that was decent to watch.

When it was over Crimson decided to fix her a little something to eat for lunch. She got up off the couch and walked to the kitchen popping some pizza rolls into the microwave for a minute. The timer beeped and she opened the door carefully pulling out the hot glass plate.

Crimson picked the plate up with the tips of her fingers on the very edge of the plate, and quickly walked back to the couch setting the plate down on the coffee table by her mother's notebook.

Her mother's notebook.

Crimson had never seen this before. She picked up the tattered old notebook with pages falling out in every direction. Then she opened it and saw it was a journal. The first page was dated all the way back to when her mom was a teenager still in school.

Crimson did not want to invade on her mother's privacy, but she wanted to know what was going on. What happened to her father. What he was like. What her mom was like before the shooting. Crimson knew nothing, and she wanted to know. "It's my right to know, isn't it?" she thought to herself.

Crimson ended up talking herself into reading the first page. Star talked about this boy named Jamie. She had never heard of him before. Curiousity kept her reading more.

It did not take her long to fed through her mother's journal entries. There was not many. Only about one to three entries a month. Then she skipped many years. Each entry however, was in almost perfect detail.

Then Andy was gone, and all the happiness or any since of hope had completely vanished from her mother's words.

"Febuaray 10, 1998

With Andy gone... I feel lifeless without him. I feel more alone then ever. He meant everything to me. He was my life. My world.

Yesterday I could have swore I heard him say, "I love you," behind me.

I haven't stopped crying in weeks.

They all keep trying to make me smile or laugh again. Not even CC's jokes can make me laugh. Andy's gone... how can I?

If I wasn't carrying mine and Andy's unborn child, I can almost guarantee you I wouldn't be here. I would've given up the second the light from Andy's blue eyes... I can't live without him...."

There was no ending, only tears drops crumbling the page.

Crimson had no idea how heartbroken her mother was, until she read these words.