𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡

yoongi

tw// suicidal thoughts; self harm; mention of blood

it hurt. it hurt so bad.

why was he walking? why was he giving the energy to continue when he felt like he was drowning, with no one there to save him.

no one there to lift him up.

the waves of pain kept on pummeling his brain as if his body was getting dragged down into the inky, cold depths of the ocean floor, choking him.

he was battling awful thoughts.. those thoughts that got him into multiple therapy sessions a few months ago.

should he just give up? or fight his way to the surface?

he stared at the lifeless bodies of his brother and parents.

their bodies were purple. no air was leaving and no air was entering.

blood was everywhere. pooling around him like the biters who he couldn't stop.

he watched the biters tear their bodies to pieces. eat their bodies and snarl like it was satisfying.... like it was enjoyable.

what could describe these monsters? these demons that killed his family?

he collapsed to his knees, the tears finally stopping.

his heart finally stopped the thumping that echoed in his mind.

his hands stopped shaking. his eyelids were heavy and his head hung in shame.

yoongi wished he could let his family know what he was about to do. the decision he was about to make. he was desperately hoping they could save him, even though he knew they couldn't.

the snarls were off in the distance, but he knew they were coming.

he knew he was about to die.

he used to spend a lot of time wondering what death felt like. what it sounded like.

if he'll sing his last notes of pain before suddenly becoming silent forever.

or maybe he'll turn into a shadow? and be with his family?

his family... they're dead.

they're dead and he couldn't do anything to save them.

why couldn't he be dead? why couldn't the ambulance let the blood flow from his slit wrists and leave him lifeless?

that's how he felt anyways. lifeless. emotionless.

dead.

no, he didn't want to fight anymore. he couldn't.

he didn't want to fight then and he definitely didn't want to fight now.

what was the point anyway? what exactly was the point in living with these monsters for the rest of his life?

he didn't want to live.

the depression and anxiety has almost cost his life before.

will the time finally be up now?

he smiled looking up at the sky, his stomach food deprived and his throat dehydrated.

he'll die. he'll get to be with them.

he'll finally get to be happy for once in his life.

god, he was such a coward, huh? he was willing to die, but not to live.

but, yoongi was tired. so, so tired.

he wanted to say sorry, to scream sorry.

to say sorry to his therapists. his medicine. his family..

but, he was tired of living. there was no point anymore.

if the point was to just go through life feeling worthless and empty, then he just didn't want to be here.

he picked up the fallen shotgun on the ground, raising it to point it at his head.

this was it.

he was simply just covering up his emotional pain by physical pain.

he'll be peaceful.

he'll be free. alive.

happy.

he took a deep breath before pushing the gun into his skull, seconds away from pulling the trigger.

one...

two....

thr-

"no!"

he snapped his head to the sound, seeing two men running towards him.

what? who were they?

oh well. they couldn't save him. they couldn't.

"look, man. i've been there, trust me. i wanted to end it. but, we can get through this together. please, let us help you. let us save you." a man with black, long hair spoke, holding out his hand.

save him....

save him?

"please. we don't know each other, but.... i would never pass up the chance to save a life." they stepped closer.

"you are worth it. i promise you that you are. put the gun down and let us help." the other guy spoke, tall with a nice and kind aura.

yoongi looked down at his parents with tears, putting the gun on the ground.

"thank god." sighs of relief escaped the men.

but, he couldn't hear.

he was too busy listening to the sounds of his sobs escaping his mouth.

he let his head fall on his dead mother's body.

"why.." he sobbed, his face becoming wet.

he didn't know if this was going to save him.

him being saved by two strangers... seconds away from pulling the trigger.

maybe his parents were watching him... maybe they lead these men to him.

he wanted to be saved, he did.

but, he wanted to die.

when would he ever find the will to live again?