𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡

32

as taehyung packed up his black bag, full of supplies and water, he leaned up from the floor and swung the backpack on his back.

he didn't want to take any food. he was already hurting this family in one way and he couldn't take anything more from them. it would be too much.

feeling empty, he took one last look at jungkook, who laid sleeping with snores escaping his mouth. he looked comfortable and soft, like he was waiting to be cuddled. and how badly he wanted to be the one to do that.

after thinking of giving one last kiss to the male, he decided against it. it would be too hard. it's best to look from afar and just leave. he could do that.

he walked to the door and placed a hand on the doorknob, it suddenly feeling foreign to him. he glanced back to jungkook and whispered, "goodbye, jungkook."

he opened the door and closed it, grateful that everyone was sleeping and he wouldn't have to encounter anyone.

and as he walked to the front door with soft footsteps, the memories of him with the group dawned upon them.

each and every one of the members in this house were special to him. he cared for them all deeply. even jimin, maybe not that much, but he knew the male had a beautiful heart on the inside.

it was a good time, moving past fighting against biters and being almost killed by some idiots. the group made it memorable and they made him hate life a little less.

he stood in front of the door, turning around to give the house one last appreciation. one last look.

its walls. the new walls when he first entered the house, well, when he was knocked out and awoken in handcuffs. when he feared for his life.

and seeing that group made him think of kai. he thought they were like him. he thought jungkook was like him.

but, he couldnt have been more wrong.

he remembered his talks with yoongi. yoongi on the first night showing love for jungkook. showing how much he cared about his decisions. yoongi's eyes literally glowing at the sight of jimin.

his heartfelt words. the way he comforted him a few hours ago, even though the two were barely close.

and namjoon, someone he looked up to in his own way. the love that practically bursted out of his eyes for jin. the way he spoke with such intelligence and warmth. the way he resembled a father.

and jin, his lover. someone he related to. his pain and anxiety of whether the others were hurt or not. his tears and shakes as he thought about whether the group would return. the way he cooked for all of them as if he was some amazing chef in the kitchen of gordon ramsey.

and jin's best friend, hoseok. someone who always made him laugh. someone he would never forget. someone who was abused and was able to escape that pain and find comfort in this new family. someone who was so strong and happy that he lit up the room. someone he wished he could be.

and even jimin, who hated him. but, he understood it. his trust was taken advantage of and he would hate him too. he liked to think that maybe in the old world, they would have been best friends. them with their sassy remarks and judging looks. and he hoped jimin would find peace one day. he hoped him and yoongi would be happy forever.

and, above them all, jeon jungkook. the man who broke his walls down. the man who was cold at first, but began to show him more love than anyone ever did before. the man who protected his family because he simply loved them so much.

the man who didn't make a choice between his family and taehyung. who protected him. who made him feel good and made him smile. who sang out to him.

the man whose lips tasted like heaven. like green grass and sunny skies and good mornings. whose presence alone made taehyung feel safe and loved. the man who wanted to dance with him on a beach. the man who would risk it all for everyone he loved, even when he's been through hell and back.

the man who loved him.

he closed his eyes and let out a sigh, opening the door quietly and stepping outside. he inhaled the rotten smell of the night and scanned the area for biters, there luckily not being any in the area.

every step felt like a punch to his gut. like a beat to a drum. it felt so wrong, but he knew it had to be right. and even if it wasn't, it just had to be.

he slowly walked away from the house, feeling dread upon him as he saw the gate becoming more clear in the distance.

he didn't know if it was better to think he had lost everything and to start over, or easier to know that the people he cared about were alive, even if he would never see them again.

it was a good run. a good life for a month or two and maybe it helped him, maybe not.

but, he had to. even if hurt, even if it burned, he had to do this.

finally finding the courage to walk faster, he clenched his fists and sped up his walking, forcing his thoughts not to drift to the sleeping boy in bed.

who would wake up to him not being there. who would probably shrug it off and check the living room, but to not find him there. to go to every one of his hyungs' rooms and search for him, only to realize that he was gone.

and he would be heartbroken.

he shook his head and continued walking, but the sound of a voice made him halt in his tracks.

and it wasn't just any voice. it was the most pained voice he ever heard. the voice of someone who you could tell was heartbroken just by the waver of their voice.

"you're leaving."

he managed to turn around, just to see a lone jeon jungkook, standing on the porch of the house with tangled hair and confused eyes, his fists clenched.

and the sentence came out cracked. like it pained jungkook just to even say the words.

and looking at him like this managed to break taehyung's heart even more.