Anything For You, Dream - {DNF} //BOOK 2

Chapter 28: My Truth

____________________________

He climbed into bed with me and scooped me into him. He held me round my middle and his head rested on my shoulder. I snuggled into our new position. This was warm. I loved it.

____________________________

George POV

He left early hours in the morning. He was going to visit his brother before New Years.

Its the 30th of December today. Its been cold these past months but I haven't been lonely. It may seem like they have no correlation but because it's winter and after all that happened, I assumed that's how these last few months would've been. Cold and lonely. But I'm not lonely. I haven't been. Maybe a little cold sometimes, but it's been okay.

I've got myself out of bed everyday. I've eaten at least two meals. I've actually seen people. I've been sociable. Weird.

Speaking of being sociable, I don't have much to do today so I think I'll just chill. Maybe I'll stream.

I've planned to spend New Years with Daniel so he'll be back tomorrow.

A new year.

Some people see that as an opportunity to do better things, a new found sense of hope. They set resolutions and encourage friends and family to do the same. If you wanted to better yourself, you shouldn't wait until the whole world partakes in a stress-heavy, unrealistic, self-esteem crushing trend. Why would you do that to yourself? It's always bothered me. Yeah, it may encourage some, but there are some people that'll set unachievable goals and then question why they couldn't do them. It's so stupid.

I used to be one of those people. Back in high school, my mother used to encourage me to 'find a girl to love by the end of the year'. She'd emphasise the femininity in the sentence and I'd sigh, ultimately agreeing. I would try. With girls. I'd take them on dates and we'd have fun. It was fun to hang out with them, yes. But then it got to the next part. I knew what to do and I could, you know, please them? But I never felt anything for it and I definitely didn't like when they touched me. I could never... This is so embarrassing, now I remember. I could never get...hard. For them. They'd always get upset. I say 'they' because I tried so many times to conform to the idea I was straight. It got to the point where I literally tried to force it and took viagra. But then I just never finished and they thought it was their fault. It wasn't. It was me.

I thought I needed to be straight. I thought I needed to like girls. I knew deep down I didn't and I just didn't want to accept it. It would be easier.

But anyways. Moving on swiftly.

The new year.

I now see it as a whole new year I have to live. A year where I can decide what I do and who I see. I can make my year the best one yet or I can spend it wallowing in my own sadness. I don't show emotions a lot, so if I was to, quote, 'wallow', I would also shut people out. I don't want them to see who I really am.

I present my friends with a version of me that I think would be most loveable.

The only person I never even thought about hiding from was Clay. That first night on the boat, with him, was the first and last time I ever really cared about how he saw me. From then on, I was myself. Yes, I didn't share my feelings often, but if he got it out of me, I'd tell him the whole truth. I'd tell him everything. I'd talk and he'd listen. No judgements. No interruptions. Just endless support and happiness.

But he's gone now.

No one knows my truth anymore.

No one knows how to ask.