Always there for me

Chapter 21 Can I?

~ Luke's POV ~

Around 3am I could hear Kayla moving about the room. I switched on the lamp and looked up to find Kayla with tears in her eyes making her way to the kitchen.

"Luke! Turn the light off! You will wake everyone up! I'm ok." She whispered.

"Kayla they'll sleep through anything and I never asked if you were ok! I know there's something wrong so tell me."

She shook her head. "Kayla...spill" She still shook her head but ran upstairs. I ran after her needing to know what is wrong.

~ Kayla's POV ~

I locked the bathroom door and slid down to the floor. I just wanted to disappear. I heard Luke knock on the door wanting in. "Go away Luke!" I said in between sobs. "Kayla I am not going anywhere so open the door."

I didn't have the strength to argue so I unlocked it and moved out the way. Within seconds he was in the bathroom sitting next to me with an arm around my shoulders. I felt safe for once.

"What's wrong Kayla?" He seemed genuinely concerned about me. "it's just-it's just." I sighed. I couldn't get the words out. "I-I feel guilty." I let out a huge sigh of relief. It felt like a huge weight has been lifted of my shoulders. "you have nothing to be guilty of Kayla. Whats bothering you so much?" He tightened the grip on my shoulder making sure I wasn't going anywhere. "I feel like I can't have fun because my brother will never get that chance and when my mum was my age she was heavily pregnant with me. I feel like it's not fair I'm enjoying myself." I burst into tears. "You deserve to have fun Kayla you've been living the past 8 months of your life in fear it's time you lived a little maybe you just need to forget about what's happened and live in the moment." I realised he was right but I needed to tell him I will never get the chance to have fun properly because I don't want to forget the past I don't want to move on. I need to tell him. Can I?

~ Luke's POV ~

When I found out Kayla felt guilty I realised I felt really guilty. How could I let her feel the way she did when I knew myself how bad it was? I couldn't. I need to tell her what's been happening but can I?

I decided not to I can't break her heart. We gave each other a really long hug and without thinking I kissed her on the nose. She blushed and I fell for her once again.

~ Calum's POV ~

We were downstairs in Kayla's kitchen making pancakes for everyone because we were all starving. Since it was only me and Luke I decided to ask how things were between him and Kayla.

When I did ask he said he hadn't spoken about it but he kept making all these mistakes like holding her hand without knowing and giving her little kisses every now and again. "man, you need help." I laughed but he scowled at me. "Tell everyone they're ready bro"

"PANCAKES ARE READY ASSHOLES!" I burst into fits of laughter when Luke yelled up the stairs. "wow bro, you're a dragon in the morning!" He just rolled his eyes.

~ Mia's POV ~

Everyone was crowded round the small dining table in Kayla's kitchen munching into some pancakes the boys made when Ashton asked to speak to me outside. We left the room and walked into the hall and sat on the stairs. "I'm sorry Mia but I think we need to take a break." He broke down in tears and my face fell. Suddenly I felt all my breakfast making its way back up my throat. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. "Mia!" I heard Ashton calling me. "Go away Ashton, I hate you I don't even know why I went out with you in the first place!"

~ Kayla's POV ~

I heard screaming from out in the hall. Everyone dropped the knife and forks and listened to what was going on behind the closed door. I got up to leave when Luke told me to leave them. "Luke, she is my best friend and right now she has a broken heart I am going to get her!" I ran out the room not looking back. I saw the door wide open and Ashton sitting on the stairs with his hands in his head. He looked up when he saw me and said, "do me a favour and tell her I'm sorry Kayla?" I looked at him blankly. "you broke my friends heart Ashton, I won't be doing anything for you!" I ran out looking for Mia.

~ Luke's POV ~

I was so annoyed with Ashton. He kept going on about how Kayla was horrible and selfish. I can't let him think of her in that way and I can't hate him can I?

He was making me more and more angry at the minute and I could feel another attack coming. Calum knows I have anger attacks often and he always manages to help me get through them. I waved his way and walked out the room when I knew I was going to start losing control. Calum ran out after me but I didn't make it out the door. I fell to the ground shaking and I couldn't stop. Calum was screaming my name and everyone stopped. I began kicking and punching the wall trying to let it all out. Everyone was asking questions like what was wrong with me and the tears were falling down my face. Beth was crying obviously scared of my sudden actions. I was screaming and Calum was forcing my pills down my throat trying to get me to calm down.

After a short while I had stopped shaking and stopped kicking and punching. Everyone was staring at me in shock but wanting an explanation to my sudden behaviour. I couldn't tell them can I? I had to.

I took a deep breath but only a small voice came out. "I'm sorry" Everyone questioned what had just happened. So I told them all about it. "I'm sorry I have never told you guys but I need to be in the band. Having all this anger constantly fighting me could stop me from doing anything in life. I was angry because I felt like I had to choose between Ashton or Kayla and I can't do that." I quickly said this all in one breath.

I got sympathetic looks from everyone before Kayla and Mia came through the door both with tear stained cheeks. Ashton left straight away. Kayla knew what had happened. She always does. I look tired like I am about to pass out which I normally do as the pills have a quick effect. Just as she gave me a hug I did. Everything went black.

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