Remember: This is just in my opinion. You don't need to change anything if you don't want to.
First off, I would like to say great job on the characters! Some people's characters change a lot of the time, going from nice to mean, but yours were constant, only changing a bit for character development. I especially liked Jack and Dylan :)
One thing to mention, whenever someone it thinking, you should make it italic(slanted) instead of in quotations. And if the same person is talking, you don't need to make it go on a new line, it can be the same one.
Great job on this book! Though I would've liked it if you made the plot move along a little faster, you made it interesting enough so I read all 32 chapters, instead of the 10-15. Again, great job, and I hope you keep writing soon :)
