Luna's Demise - tyragathers
Judge: Lena_Castle
Cover/title/blurb - 4/5
Grammar and spelling - 7/10
Detail - 8/10
Plot - 10/10
Originality - 3/5
Flow of story - 4/5
Overall enjoyment - 4/5
Total - 40/50
I have read the book until season 1 episode 3 part 2. The review is based on the chapters leading up to that one only.
Cover:
Eye catching pictures, love the fonts but for colour blind people the word demise is not going to be visible. I suggest changing it to the same colour as the 'Luna' word or perhaps black.
Title:
Intriguing made me want to read the synopsis straight away.
Blurb:
Bit of a type error at the end but other than that it is great. Gives the sense of luna having a second chance at life and the journey of her trying to live again after her family is dead. As well as makes the reader want to find out why she is the only one left alive.
Flow of the story:
Season 1 should be more clear as to what it is. As I taught it was the start of the story. Makes it a bit confusing. Great to see all the characters before the actual book starts.
The story is fast paced just like I expected as it is based on the episodes from the show. It sometimes moves too fast between one scene to the next within one chapter and at certain points it was hard to understand why and where the change occurred and whos life is the reader following next.
Grammar spelling:
A couple of spelling errors and grammar mistakes made here and there. A good proofread and it'll be sorted easily. No major grammar mishaps. It was very well written and easily understood.
There's one thing that stood out to me which was the constant use of 'her' in the beginning chapters. Which believe me I do all the time too. But re-reading your work is the best way to spot it. An advice on how to fix this would be to write the chapter and leave it saved not published for 2-3 days and go back re-read it before publishing and you will pick up the sentences that might not sound the way you wanted it to originally.
Detail:
The jump between one scene and another is sudden and unless someone has watched the show it wouldn't really make sense or they won't be able to spot the swap and feel confused as to what is going on.
I feel like the author is telling the reader of what is happening. Rather than showing it in parts I'd love to be shown especially in tense scenes. Example would be to describe the face of a scared person rather than to say he was scared.
A note to the character Luna. She seems to be very honest and straight to the point. At times I felt like she was being almost mean to others. Maybe that was the intention and it is clarified as to why later on. But other times when she talks about her secret she is very vague.
Plot:
Plot is basically every episode but with extra main character and her story contribution. It is a unique way of telling the story as all other fanfiction I have read would add on to the end season or take over from end of certain season and add a completely different ending. Or do a spin off of the show with some of the characters and their kids or so.
In any case the new character is well integrated into the chapters.
Originality:
I have not read a book structured this way. In the sense of season 1 episode 1 type of thing. Very interesting way to write it. Taking aside the fact that it is based within the episodes making it difficult to make it different to the actual plot. But it did not enchant me to read on to find out as the story is too closely knit with the episodes which made it predictable. That is of course for someone who has seen the teeen wolf series. I guess that was the point of the writer. To base it on the original series and go along adding her own spin to it with an additional storyline of the new main character.
Overall enjoyment:
Overall I enjoyed reading this story very much. It has a new character that livens up certain parts of the original plot. She is well defined although more back story on 'Luna' would be great as (people who watched the show) know a lot about the other characters. Whereas we are brought into Luna's world with not too much detail on her family death or her aunt.
*Please don't get offended by anything I wrote about the book. It is only my opinion.*
I think it is great overall giving it a solid 40/50. If you'd like to discuss your work with me please leave a message or comment. I would be more than glad to go through it with you. Best of luck with the story Lovely!
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