Please remember that this is just my opinion. You don't have to change anything if you don't want to :D
I took points off of the first thing because I just don't think that the cover fully suits the story. It's a beautiful picture, but I don't think it suits the story, or the part that I read, anyway.
The grammar and spelling wasn't perfect, but it rarely is. And yours was better than what most people have.
You had nice descriptions, and the plot wasn't too fast. I've never heard of anything like that, so lots of originality.
