Before I go into the review, I want to let you know that what I got wasn't what I'd expected. And that's a good thing! I kinda expected the main character to suddenly discover she has powers and wings and all that. Ha! You proved that cliché darn wrong and I applaud you for it.
Now, even though the language was a little too vocabularious(not a word) for me, I was able to understand what was happening and that's what matters, the fact that you could pass a message, which is your story, to the audience. Though, personally, I think you should tone down a bit on the voluminous words, I didn't know the meaning of most words in the first chapter but I still enjoyed it(maybe, I should read my dictionary more often:().
Anyways . . .
I noticed something. Whenever you were going to tell us something she was thinking, you went, "she should not go there"(not quoted from the book, just an example).
I'd humbly suggest that instead of using third person pov to express her thoughts, maybe, you could go, "I shouldn't go there, she thought."
I personally think that's better.
You're chapter Length was good, but some chapters were way longer than the others. This isn't a problem you should fix now though. When you're done with writing, you could go ahead and cut down some chapters to size.
Other than those two points, I didn't notice anything else.
Great grammar, in my opinion, cool punctuation. And I love it when they tell fantasy stories in third person pov.
Good job!
I liked that the development of both the schracters and the plot was gradual and intentional. Love all the twists and cliffs, including the decapitated bodies part. Hella creepy, but so good
*Ps, I'm sorry for not leaving comments while reviewing this. I've been really busy this past week but I'll try to get to it soon
