First off, I want to say that I love Egyptian stories. They're just so wonderful to read. In the beginning, I hadn't known it was egyptian though. All the names and personal pronouns in the glossary seemed (indian?) To me. Did you do a cross or something?
Okay. Going on with the review now, I only read ten chapters because I have an exam tommorow and I shouldn't be doing this but your story pulled me in too hard. I wish to congratulate you on that(*applause*) nowadays, it's difficult to find a story that makes me drop my educational textbooks—and it's historical fiction, like, HISTORICAL FICTION! Most books under this genre confuse the poop out of me but yours was broken down very nicely so a non-art-student like myself could understand everything. I like that you put the glossary first, for descriptive purposes, it really cleared up a few confusions I had. Great Job!
From the ten chapters I read, I grabbed that Ankhesenpaaten wields a great power which she knows nothing of. I have a feeling her marriage to prince Tut is going to spark something dangerous in the nearest future of the book but I'm not sure yet... To be 'good' at authoring, one just possess the ability to weave a story into gradual word progressions and not just out the entire thing out there. That was exactly what you did! Like feeding us with small scoopy we received enough information to make us want to keep reading, to know more, but you never gave us too much. That is such a great quality, most author's (myself included) suffered from info dumping while we were yet "young authors". I find it cool that everything just seemed to flow. The pacing was perfect. All the events including the arranged marriage, which neither of them consented to at first, we're followed accordingly. No skipping over important details. I love that!
Ah, your grammar and punctuation. I'm sure this doesn't come naturally for everyone. We have to learn the right punctuation, spelling, word build up, and general grammar. And I have to say, from what I saw, you got everything covered. Considering this is a historical fiction book, I'm sure some of the spellings were hectic (Ankhesenpaaten, anyone?) Yet, you were able to get everything placed rightly, no errors in my eyes!
Now, despite the fact that your piece is spectacular, I have a few buts (one or two). There not big issue, but I'm sure they'll help you improve. Please note that this review won't be a review it it doesn't help you grow, and to grow you must be chastened. So, have a chocolate and prepare yourself for judgement
Kidding! I'm totally kidding. No judgement there.
My only but with your writing is that some paragraphs were super long. I had to pause at some times, take a breath of air and delve right back in because I wanted to know more. Understand that not everyone would have the patience to read through each word, each sentence, each paragraph. At the end of the day, it's either the reader scales through the entire one hundred and fifty-worded paragraph, or they get angry and close the book.
This is Wattpad, a reading app with a high population of younger people. Everyone knows that we the youth of the 21st century love quick stuff.. It's what makes us so modern.
In summary, I advice you cut down the paragraphs a little (maximum of six sentences per paragraph) all the while keep in mind that the topic sentence has to be present in each paragraph. There must be a central idea.
As long as you do that, I'll give you a ten out of ten!
Lastly, hun, the cover isn't doing your book enough justice*pouts*. It's lovely, has the entire Egypt vibe to it, but, I feel it can be better. It can be mind-blowing ;).
I didn't out scores in here because I have an exam tommorow, scores are a sore topic for me rn *le sigh*
Great job wowing me! I'll be sure to read this up till the end the second my schedule loosens up!
