Everyone thinks that when you get to high school, your life will become amazing, you'll go on an awesome trip, meet new people, and you might even snag a boyfriend. But the reality of it all, is that you won't! It's so far from the truth, that I don't even know where it all came from! Maybe it's from the teachers that like to make students sit in detention all day, or maybe it's from parents that are too busy taking care of their young children, to focus on their older ones. Whatever the case may be, you can still join me on this action based adventure! This is a journey of how I became the person that I am today. But first, let's rewind time, to see where it all started. Oh, I completely forgot to introduce myself! (lightly slaps her face). My name is Cassandra, and I'm part of an elite group of secret...Read the book to find out!
Chapter 1:
As the metal doors closed over all of the museum entrances. Chaos made its presence known, everyone was too busy running around like mad men, to look for an escape, everyone except me.
Step 1: Someone has to make the student's be quiet. I slowly glanced around the room at the group of panicked idiots, I guess it would have to be me. Step 2: Make my plan known to them. They have two choices, follow me, or stay here, while waiting for help to come, and who knows how long that will be. Step 3: Find out how to disable the doors, and quick, because our lives might just be in danger.
The vibrant blonde turned out to be really helpful, she opened my mind to a world, I've never known. Our guide, Clara made Ancient Egypt sound so fascinating! I hung onto her every word, my heart beated loudly against my chest, like a drummer would his drum set, my sweaty palms itched to know what would happen next.
I'm sorry if it kind of rhymes it wasn't my intention, I'm just practicing writing poetry, guess it's just a habit.
Warning! Long Author's Note Ahead.... ( filled with really good writing ideas)
Advice: Since they're in highschool, the characters should act like it. Teenagers don't always do what they're told ( I know from experience), they also don't run around screaming. Some might, but not all. For example they have the class clown ( he never takes anything seriously), the bad boy ( he somehow always ends up in detention, but it's never his fault, who am I kidding? Of course it's his fault, he doesn't care, he'll just skip detention win the teacher goes to sleep. He would rather be somewhere else, probably asleep in his bed, he may or may not have a crush on Cassandra, it's totally up to you, however this is your chance to include romance *wink *wink), the popular girl ( she's always mean to the protagonist, which in this case is Cassandra, the popular girl has a crush on the bad boy), the nerd( he always wears glasses, but he's very computer savvy), the jock( hates the bad boy, because he's dating the popular girl, and he claims that he's not on steroids, but everyone knows he's lying), and that one girl that is always on her phone talking to her friends, she's way too bored to react (unless her battery is dead).
You should change the guide's name ( Clara) it sounds too similar to Cassandra's last one ( Clare). If you can't come up with any names, then you can search on the internet.
"Which in this case is a lockdown disabling device where would I be." You forgot to put a question mark.
An awkard silence filled the room as I waited for anyone to speak.
"There has to be a way to disable it from someone accidentaly out the building in lockdown, it is a safety hazard not to." Please cut this part out, it doesn't need to be there. Sometimes less is more :)
Chapter 4:
However, our march to freedom was short lived, when the people, we last expected to see, were blocking our only escape.
He looked crazy unpredictable ( you can put this instead)
"what does he have to do with anything?!"
You should mention that the taxi arrived, before the students get inside the bus. You can say something like: "The teacher ushered all of the students, inside the bus, so that the taxi had a place to park."
"I agreed judging by the way..." because doesn't need to be added.
My feet stumbled on the concrete, as I realized this was a place for secrect agents. You mentioned the word secret agent way too many times.
You can say "Then I rembered something very important." Instead of: " Then I rembered something. Something important. You don't have to add the same word twice, just to make a point, one will do just fine :)
I enjoyed reading your book. If you want a better review it's best to take your book to an editor shop first :)
