The cover is fairly pretty and simple, it's nice to look at because of all those leaves, and will probably manage to attract readers. It doesn't quite feel relevant to the story though. I know you focused more on the "gold" part, but maybe the focus should fall more on the marine aspects, since the main story is basically about mermaids, pirates, sailors, and the likes. So you could go for a more blue theme. But I like how you wrote the title in gold to match with the name of the book. The name of the book too, perfectly captures the story and I think it will grab the attention of readers.
I do suggest you start working on the blurb asap though, because most readers might not check it out otherwise. I think it can be something very simple, like only a single sentence. Maybe the sentence can be something related to "fairy" tales, if you know what I mean. Just a suggestion. The one point I took away is only for the less relevant cover.
Grammar and spelling : 8/10
The grammar was mostly okay, I didn't notice too many mistakes. I noticed a lot of compound sentences and simple sentences, but barely any complex ones. I think you can change some of the simple sentences into complex ones to improve the literary aspects.
In some places, you could have used pronouns instead of repeating the noun. For example, you repeated "his grandmother" a lot of times throughout the story. In many places, you could've simply used "She". Or you could come up with more creative ways to indicate her instead of 'grandmother' or 'she'. For example, you can say "The oldest one in the room". Things like that. The same goes for Jordan. After his parents exited the room, there were only two of them left, so there is no need repeatedly remind the readers who is talking.
I noticed a few spelling mistakes. There was a place you wrote "smiles" instead of smile, and a place where you wrote "depts" instead of "depths". Just to name a few.
Detail : 9/10
I wouldn't say the story lacked details, I think the details were pretty adequate. I like how you described the living room and grandma in extra details. Sure, you could have given more details about other things, but it's fine in my opinion.
However, the way you have written the details can be executed more creatively. I am assuming that the story isn't being said from Jordan's point of view, but the narrator is the author themself. In some places you did it great (like the description of grandma), in other places it felt a bit lacking. As a writer, we shouldn't only write the tell the story, but we should also sometimes play with words to make sure the story is told beautifully. I can give you a few examples and my suggestions.
Original : "Jordan scratched his combed black hair and blinked his black eyes twice."
Suggestion : "Jordan scratched his black hair, making the neatly combed strands become slightly messy. His eyes, the same colour as his hair, blinked twice in confusion."
Original : "His cabin-style living room had a roaring fire, warm colours and plush fabrics, and unique artwork." (While this is already pretty good, it can be made better, more lively.)
Suggestion : "The cabin-style living room had a fireplace at one corner, the flames roaring inside. The warm colours and plush fabrics of the place created a pleasant sense of homeliness, while the unique artworks hanging from the wall reflected an attractive versatility." (Try to bring the setting more into life like this, so that the reader can fully get into the story).
So yeah, hope you understood what I meant. Once again, your details are adequate, you just need to work on describing them in more creative ways, which I'm sure you can do :D
Plot : 8/10
What I love the most about the plot is the sweet family moments that you described so well; it created a kind of warmth inside my heart. I also love how this surprise visit of the grandma leads to Jordan hearing a tale that seems to have a bigger double meaning than what seems on the surface. Especially how in the end, grandma said "I would know the best" the same way the fairy in the story had; it created a sense of ominousity and got a bunch of theories running in my head. Unfortunately, you ended the story right there for the readers to figure out the meaning themselves.
Well, this is a one-shot, there is not exactly a plot, so I feel like this is a hard field to judge. However, you could have arrange the narrative of the plot in a different way to express it more distinctly. You wrote the story grandma narrated separately in italics. Unless there was an underlying purpose I'm failing to see here, I think you can write it as she is narrating it in the form of a dialogue.
That way, you can show Jordan's emotions here and there regarding the aspects of the story, describe the different kinds of hand gestures and expressions grandparents take on when telling a story, and also describe the surrounding better. That will create the atmosphere of the story in a more vivid way, and Jordan's emotions can reflect that of the readers and create more connection. Of course, this is just a suggestion.
I didn't expect this story to be a one-shot, because the plot feels very incomplete. I think there is a lot of potential to this plot, and the story can go several ways if you want it to. So I'm glad to know you're planning to continue it.
Originality : 4/5
Since the focus here is the story grandma said, in that respect, it felt fairly original to me. The theme itself isn't very original, but the way it was narrated using rhymes and the way it unfolded in a different way than usual fairy tales is what I found amazing. I still feel like I'm failing to understand the actual meaning of the story, but I like how grandma's behavior felt slightly off. This suspicion staying unresolved and unaddressed is another thing that gives it uniqueness.
Flow of the story : 4/5
The flow of the story was great, but the reason I took off the 1 point is because of the dialogues that broke the flow. No, the dialogues did flow naturally, but you must break the paragraph everytime a different character is talking. Jordan's dialogue, next para, dad's dialogue, next para, Jordan's dialogue—like that. Whenever there are two dialogues in a single para, every reader will assume it was said by the same person, and upon finding out otherwise, it kinda breaks the flow and creates confusions. So yeah, that's it.
Overall enjoyment : 5/5
Being a strict and nitpicky reviewer over here aside, I really enjoyed the story. It was short, sweet, somewhat ominous, and the sense of incompleteness is also a part of the experience. I've already said this before but I loved the way grandma narrated the story in rhymes, it was so satisfying to read. I think you have a great imagination as an author and lots of potential. Good luck! :D
