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Darling

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Darling
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Author :: @BitterSweetLies666

Reviewer :: ialwaystanbts

First impression :: 11/20

The cover looks pretty and aesthetic but it is pretty bland. I also don't see how it relates to the storyline (except for the Hyun-jin face claim) so you might wanna add more elements to your cover to make it more attractive.

The title correlates with your story but it is too simple. It is not interesting and it didn't tempt me into reading your book. Moreover, it is very common.

Your blurb was good. It drew me into your story. However, there are some punctuation errors in your blurb so make sure to edit them.

Beginning of the new start :: 6/10

To be honest, the first two chapters were really confusing. You could have provided more information on Hae's life. I had some questions in my mind about her life. Why did she love her job? Why did she leave her previous job and accepted the new one? I suggest you to add more to the first chapter because, in my opinion, it feels short and rushed. You could also add more information about Hae in the information chapter or make a prologue.

Concept & plot :: 20/25

Your plot is quite unique. I have never read a fanfiction with a similar plot so kudos to you. However, the execution was not satisfactory. As I said, the chapters are rushed, you should edit them. Also, since this is a Hyujin fanfic (judging by the cover) you should have them interact with each other (I feel like there are more scenes of her interacting with Chan). This is totally random but- I love your sense of humor! I also loved the interactions between Hae and Skz because they were really funny!

Characters & emotions :: 11/15

I really like all the characters. You displayed their emotions nicely everywhere except the first and fifth chapters. The first chapter was rushed and confusing. In the fifth chapter, you mention that Hae kisses Hyunjin. This was a sudden change because Hae and Hyunjin have not interacted that much. A quick tip: I noticed that your story is written in the narrator's POV. You can try writing in First Person POV because I believe that it will help you in expressing the emotions of the character.

Tone & Style :: 7/10

Your vocabulary is pretty simple. I suggest you stick to the basic words because some of the words seem out of place. As I said, try writing in First Person POV.

Grammar :: 10/20

Your grammar is not the best but not the worst either. I expected this when you said that English was not your first language. Let me list some of the grammatical errors in your story.

●Tenses

''I was told that you were an amazing masseuse"
Edited : "I was told that you are an amazing masseuse"

Here I have replaced 'were' with 'are'. It is a small change but it changes the meaning of the sentence completely. The first sentence states that Hae was once an amazing masseuse but she is not an amazing masseuse anymore. While the second sentence states that she still is an amazing masseuse. Let me give you another example.

So I laid on my bed
Edited: So I was lying on my bed

●Choice of words, Spelling Errors, and Sentence Formation

She nodded slowly adding a joking

The above sentence is completely incorrect.
The correct version: She slowly nodded while adding a joke.

before he snapped to the phone
Edited : before he snapped out of his thoughts and picked up the phone.

(...and done her morning routine.)
Edited: (...and finished her morning routine.)

These sentences can be easily corrected. Make sure to proofread the chapters before publishing them.

●Punctuation

There were some paragraphs were the punctuation  was completely messed up.

She shrugged "nowhere" and smiled a bit.
"Nowhere," she shrugged, smiling a bit.

All these mistakes are present in the first two chapters. There were many more mistakes but I couldn't include all of them. Personally, the grammar in the third and fourth chapters is the best.

TOTAL :: 65/100