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Author :: FancyxTwice

Reviewer :: Taebaetae74

First Impression :: 9.5/20

Cover :: 5.5/10

The cover seems to have something wrong somewhere…

You can try placing the title a tad bit lower. Either change the font, or use caps for the title, along with adding some glow (more like a neon effect). Also, increase the darkness of the background picture, or add some shadow to the title.

Title :: 3/5

It’s ‘okay’. You could’ve chosen something that was more eye-catching. Something that could draw readers just with one look. The thing is, a lot of people don’t know what the word means- hence skipping the book. Yes, the title fits the book, but not entirely.

Blurbs :: 1/5

Now, the blurb had only one sentence- and that itself is not enough. It doesn’t tell me anything about the book, its theme or genre. There's nothing. Add more to it. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should give away everything contained in the book. Try adding details in such a way that the synopsis is both, entrancing and at the same time, doesn’t give too much away.

Beginning of a new start :: 3/10

If I were to be completely honest, I wouldn’t continue reading the book after the first chapter. The reason being poor sentence constructions and the lack of descriptive writing. I just felt like you were conveying lecture notes. My point is, you don’t have that ‘style’ you are supposed to have while writing. This can be improved of course. Read more books that could help you expand your vocabulary. Pay attention to how sentences are formed and use the right words. Not too simple, but not too complicated either. As of now, I wouldn’t really prefer reading this book with regards to the first couple of chapters.

Concept & Plot :: 17/25

The idea of including the book’s theme within the chapter headings was creative indeed.

Now moving onto the plot, it was good to be honest. But, the way you executed it was poor. No plot holes were noticed. However, due to the poor execution, the plot seemed to be rushed at some points. I’ve explained this more under the ‘tone & style’ category.

Other than that, it was all good.

Characters & Emotions :: 7/15

The characters weren't so bad. Although you need to work on developing them. It’s the emotions you need to pay more attention to. You fail to draw in readers to your book; and this is mainly because you don’t describe your characters enough. Explain your character’s personality through different scenarios and descriptions- this includes the way they think, act, and their reason for doing so. This is perhaps a very important aspect of a book- creating an emotional bond between the respective reader and the characters. I feel that your book is not there just yet.

Tone & Style :: 3/10

First off, you need to describe more. Like I mentioned above, the plot comes off fast-paced due to the lack of descriptions. Of course, I’m not saying that you’ve to add details every now and then. But, add in details when there are relevant scenes- especially when you are to describe emotions or a certain set-up or scenario.

Now, when you want to add suspense towards the end of the chapter, do not go for adding A LOT of empty spaces and then revealing one sentence in the end. If you don’t get what I’m trying to say, I’d take the second chapter for instance. Towards the end of the chapter, you say that his hand bled; right before that, there was a lot of space. You left about a page. Avoid doing that.

Next, don’t interchange between perspectives a lot. If you write in third person, use it for the entire book. Or, write at least 3-4 chapters in a certain POV and then write another couple of chapters in another POV. When you change perspectives, it really ruins the flow of the story.

I have to say that you need to improvise the way you construct sentences. Make them seem more... appealing and convincing. Use different words, expand your vocabulary. At some points, you had the right idea, but failed to convey it through sentences due to the usage of wrong words.

For instance, in the first chapter, you said that ‘Mr. Kim was very bothered by his son’. This makes it seem that he somewhat didn’t want his son. The sentence should’ve been something like ‘Mr. Kim was very concerned for his son’ or ‘His son’s behavior bothered Mr. Kim’, or something like that.

You should avoid inserting author’s notes in between the ongoing chapters. It really ruins the flow. The same goes for the insertion of pictures here and there. If you want your readers to know how you visualize things, place the images at the end of the chapter, not in between.

Lastly, avoid using Korean terms like ‘pabo’ in your book. It’s an English book and so, you are to stick to English (unless it’s for words like ‘Hyung’. But don’t use them too much.) The reason for this being, just because a person reads KPOP fan fictions, it doesn’t really mean that they should know what certain terms in Korean means. You don’t want to leave your readers confused.

Grammar :: 10/20

For the grammar part, you have to pay more heed to your tenses and articles used. If you decide to write in past tense, you might as well stick to it. Don’t go from past to present and back again- it confuses the readers. Regarding the articles, you missed out on using them at some points. For example, in the first chapter, you said that ‘Kim Taehyung received ‘World’s most successful CEO’s award 2021.’ Firstly, the first letters of this award should’ve been capitalized since it’s a name. Secondly, you had to start with ‘the’ World’s Most Successful.

These types of errors run throughout the book.

Moving onto the punctuations, it’s mainly the commas. Many a time, you failed to use a comma in places where there should’ve been a pause. For instance, in the sentence “Congratulations Mr. Kim!” (first chapter, first line), there should’ve been a comma after ‘congratulations’. Similar errors run throughout the book. Then, when a line in direct speech is further continued in the form of narration, a comma should be used at the end unless it’s a question mark or an exclamatory point. For instance, in the line “Thank you, Mr. Lee.” Mr. Kim replied; there should’ve been a comma after ‘Lee’ rather than a period since it was continued in narration.

Next, we’ll talk about the usage of extra punctuation marks like question marks and exclamation points. I mean, there’s nothing to talk about; it’s just wrong. Just one does the job well. So avoid using many.

Total: 49.5/100