┌────────═━┈┈━═────────┐ Seesaw Review Shop Season 2.0 └────────═━┈┈━═────────┘
The right place to get honest and constructive feedback on your books whenever you want it. Everyone is welcome and we really hope...
» Title :: 4/5 I understand its relevance to the story, and it’s fairly unique as well. Good job!
» Cover :: 6/10 The cover was aesthetically pleasing, and I loved how Jungkook was masked to emphasise on the main character. However, I didn’t really get the ‘dark’ kind of vibe after reading the first few chapters, so the cover doesn’t really link in this aspect.
» Description :: 1/5 I didn’t understand anything from your blurb. Typically, descriptions like these would come with another more detailed description in the context of actual hardcover books, but on Wattpad you only get one shot at captivating the reader, and your current description just isn’t meeting expectations. You should provide more context on what exactly is going to happen in your story in order to set the tone and allow readers to have a sense on what kind of story this is. Furthermore, the exclamation marks used in the quotes you provided are not quite fitting, and would be better if the exclamation marks were replaced with periods.
Beginning of a New Start :: 8/10
I thought the story was going downhill until Jungkook’s interaction with Yoonah, which, in my opinion, was the interaction that saved the book’s marks in this aspect. The fact that Yoonah recognised Jungkook was really interesting and kept me on the edge of my seat, and I was compelled to know more.
Other than that, the plot was smooth-flowing and quite easy to understand.
Concept & Plot :: 17/25
It’s a unique plot, but I feel like it can be improved. Like I said in the characters section, you should amplify Jungkook’s motivation to investigate things, as well as add a mini conflict in the first few chapters to keep readers interested. Overall, I liked the unique concept, and I certainly believe that this book has the potential to succeed.
Characters & Emotion :: 6/15
Why would Jungkook’s heart palpitate quickly only when Y/N’s name is mentioned? I would understand if there was another reasoning, but the reason you wrote is just because Jungkook wanted to know more about the incident in the article. If that’s the case, why didn’t his heart palpitate for the other person too? It seems like you’re just controlling these lifeless characters for the sake of the plot.
Overall, I feel that you can put in more effort in improving your characters. Readers should be able to emotionally feel something from your characters, and the characters should be the bridge between readers and the story, allowing them to successfully immerse themselves in the story.
P.S. I’m also not quite sure how Jungkook can literally forget crucial moments in his life. I don’t know if it’s because I skimmed through it, but if Jungkook doesn’t remember the incident in the article, I’ll understand, but being involved with Y/N in high school as well? Also, what is Jungkook’s drive? It feels like you’re just forcing him to investigate things because that’s what the plot wants. However, I need to know why Jungkook is so motivated, and that source of motivation should be compelling enough to make him go to great lengths to achieve what he wants.
Tone & Style :: 5/10
There was too much telling instead of showing, and after a while it got really boring because of that. Furthermore, the fact that you had to include pictures to help readers visualise places already shows that your writing isn’t good in this aspect. This method is extremely lazy and not only ruins the readers’ experience, but speaks volumes about your writing skills as well. As a writer, you should be able to make use of words to help readers visualise and immerse themselves into the story, instead of using images to help them do that. If that’s the case, why don’t they just watch a movie instead? I hope you understand that using words instead of images to help readers visualise is an extremely important aspect in writing a good book.
Author’s notes should also be put at the end of the chapter so as not to interrupt the readers’ chain of thought when reading the book.
Other than that, I liked that you knew to start dialogue on a new paragraph so that readers can follow the story easily. Good job!
Grammar :: 7/20
I have to say that I’m really disappointed. From the beginning of the book, I could already find many mistakes, and the mistakes you made are also fairly common among authors on Wattpad as well.
First of all, dialogue tags should NEVER be capitalised, unless it’s a name. This was the most common mistake I spotted in your writing, and should be changed immediately, or it’ll really throw people off and cause you to lose marks in awards as well.
Here are some of the many mistakes I found and how to correct them:
[Taehyung scooted his chair near him] is wrong here. It should be [Taehyung scooted towards him].
[...which had a photo of mine in it.] is ambiguous. A photo of Jungkook’s could mean that the photo was taken by Jungkook, and did not have him in the picture. However, in this context, the photo did have Jungkook in it, so this part of the sentence should be [...which had a photo of me in it.].
[Along as I remember…] demonstrates the wrong usage of the phrase. Instead, it should be [As long as I remember…]
[They were at the front of Yoonah’s room battling whether to go in or not.] has two mistakes here. First of all, if you say [at the front of Yoonah’s room], you are saying that the two of them are already in Yoonah’s room, but that is not the case here. Furthermore, [battling] is wrong. The two of them brawling to decide whether or not to go in is really unrealistic. The sentence should be [They were standing in front of Yoonah’s room, debating whether or not to go in.]
Overall, like I’ve said to many other people before, I understand that English isn’t your first language, but the fact that you decided to step out of your comfort zone to write in English means that you’re also going to have to put in much more effort than native English speakers in order to improve your grammar.
Total :: 54/100
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