Seesaw Review Shop 2.0

Slave

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Slave
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Author :: staend

Reviewer :: kimvante_

First impression :: 12/20

The cover was simple and elegant. It looked as if two broken people were reaching out to each other. But there was something was something stopping them, that something being the title 'Slave' meaning that even though Taehyung and Jungkook were mates, Taehyung was tied to the Demon wolf and Jungkook was tied to his past, both being slaves of the latter situation. 

However, I had to reduce marks for the blurb as it was a bit disarrayed. It wasn't attractive enough to catch the eyes of a reader. Specially the last paragraph was completely unnecessary. Try to make the blurb more complex by adding genuine and mysterious facts and eliminate the last paragraph.

Beginning of a new start :: 5/10

The onset chapters were extremely slow. I got bored in the second chapter itself. Sure, you were trying to show the past events that led to the present but it was too far fetched. I lost interest very early in the story and Jungkook and Taehyung weren't even grown up yet. I suggest you don't narrate the past events in one go, try to add it in between the present chapters. Example, three present chapters and then one past chapter. This way, the flow of the story will be interesting and smooth.

Concept & Plot :: 10/25

The concept was nothing new. It was the same old omegaverse where Taehyung is an omega and Jungkook an alpha and they both turn out to be mates. Something unique would've been appreciated.

For the plot, again, it wasn't something rare to read though I did like the idea how Taehyung is not the first mate and it was someone else. Taehyung was just a second chance mate for Jungkook. Jungkook's behaviour towards Taehyung was nothing new too, there are many fics where even though Taehyung and Jungkook turn out to be actual mates, Jungkook still treats Taehyung like shit and regrets it later. Same is happening here, he's regretting and now trying ways to mend things between them. Try being sophisticated with your creativity skills in the future. 

Characters & Emotions :: 6/15

Whenever I read a story, I focus more on the character build-up and their sentiments. Your way of portraying the characters' feelings was exaggerated. The feelings weren't properly conveyed. Taehyung kept blaming himself for people not loving him and Jungkook, well, kept crying over his ex-mate. Other than that, he was shown heartless meaning no emotions. Later he did start to develop feelings for Taehyung but then crying over Taehyung after throwing him out the house and later going to meet him seemed downright fake. Why do it in the first place when you're gonna regret it later and know what you're doing is wrong?

The characters were well, stupid. As I mentioned above, doing things you know you're gonna regret later means a disarrayed personality. Actually, there was the same cliché personality to both the leads. Taehyung was a cry baby and naïve while Jungkook was cold, heartless, mean. Even the villian of the story was adopted from the same cliché aspects; ruthless, heartless, evil and doesn't care about others but himself. Try diffusing some unique qualities into the characters. Put some originality into them and their emotions that the readers would love to read. 

Tone & Style :: 7/10

Your writing style was good. The paragraphs weren't too short nor too long, just the right amount of sentences. The transitions from one scene to another was clear too. And the descriptive writing brought more life to the story. However, the dialogues seemed plain. There was not much emotion put into it. Try to be a little intricate with your thinking while creating character dialogues. Take into consideration their personality and the situation they're present in.  

As I had mentioned earlier, the toning of the story was extremely slow. It was boring to continuously read the past events in one go. Plus the past scenes were over exaggerated in my opinion. 

Grammar :: 17/20

Not many mistakes were located in this field. Your grammar and vocabulary was clear and each sentence was well noted. As I said above, I liked your descriptive writing style the most, it added more life to the story. Absence of colons and semicolons was detected in a few areas. Spelling mistakes were also located. 

I hope my judgement was fair enough. :)

TOTAL :: 57/100.