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Here and There

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Here and There
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Author :: wrengi

Reviewer :: Kim_eats

First impression :: 3/20

» Cover :: 1/10

The cover honestly, you need to change it. It's not that it's bad but it is in no way relevant to the story. The picture used isn't really exciting, and on Wattpad, the cover needs to draw the eyes of the readers immediately. The font used is good but the placing of the title makes the whole cover look empty despite the subtitle. In all, the cover isn't suitable for your story, and you should replace it. There are a lot of good cover shops you can order a cover from if you can't make one but the current one is surely not a good one.

» Title :: 0/5

The title is surely different, but till where I read it, it doesn't seem relevant to the story. I haven't read the whole book but from what I perceived, it is about a doppleganger switching places with Seokjin. It would be better if the title was something along the actual storyline because as of now ‘Here and there’ really makes no sense.

» Blurb :: ⅖

The blurb definitely speaks the truth about the story. It is short and simple but it's somehow not enough. If you’ve got a tagline or a catchy dialogue from the book itself like the dialogues from the last chapter in the book, you should add it in your blurb to make it feel complete. Currently, it sounds very bland when you read it. Yes, it has that mysterious air to the words but if you look at the actual meaning, it's not something unusual or particularly unique for your own book. Every writer writes a book with a twist in the normal lives of their character. So, what is your twist on things? Here is where the tagline or the dialogues come in handy. If I were to rewrite the blurb, I'd definitely include the dialogues from the last chapter. 

Beginning of a new start :: 8/10

Starting from the prologue, it was perfectly written to intrigue the readers about what was to come in the following chapters while maintaining suspense. Next, comes the way you drafted the next three chapters. To someone who likes to get into the action immediately, it might seem boring, but I liked that you didn't rush through the chapters and took time to type out the small details that are actually really important like Seokjin’s habit of cleaning up everything before he left his apartment. 

While the slow buildup was really great, it did seem to drag a little bit once in a while. Like Namjoon and Taehyung’s constant bickering. I understand that it's part of being friends and that's just how their relationship is, but their conversations often made no sense. The whole time I read through them, I will be honest, my already deteriorating attention span just gave up on me and I just zoomed through it all. I had literally no idea what they were talking about. As a reader, I felt completely left out, like an intruder trying to blend in and that's not a good thing to happen. I'm not saying this is my personal opinion, but I know a lot of other people would feel like that too. Soon, they'll lose interest and will either skip through the chapters or stop reading.  

How to fix it? Give an insight to what is actually happening. It's that simple. That's the only thing lacking as of now. You, as a writer, know exactly what they are talking about but the readers won't know unless you tell them through your words. So, do reflect on that. 

Concept and plot ::  22/25

The concept of your story is really good. I've always liked these types of plots but they are not seen much in book forms, especially fanfiction. I've seen movies about doppelgangers but they are always related to people who don't really have ordinary lives, so this book really stood out to me because the way Seokjin's life was depicted was truly normal and there's hardly anything new except going out with friends maybe. So, for something to happen with a guy like him, simple and organised but still happy, it puts everything into a different light. I immediately started questioning why the other guy would do something like that to Seokjin? It's definitely the most intriguing point concept wise. 

I can't say much about the plot currently because it's an unfinished work and it has just started to pick up with Namjoon and Taehyung noticing things, so I really don't have anything to say. But up till now, it's been great, though a little slow paced. 

Character and emotions :: 8/15

It wasn't too crowded in terms of characters. It seemed like every character had their own purpose, and that's really important that every character mentioned has some significance and adds something to the story. So, good job on that. 

When it came to emotions though, they didn't have the impact that they should have. It has much to do with your writing style but in any case, you need to work more on getting those emotions across well. 

Tone and style :: 6/10

Your writing style is actually very good. The perfect amount of descriptive and insightful. It was really fun to read your book and I'm sure many other people would love reading your book. But like I mentioned above, the writing style is also what makes the emotions not conveyed well. 

The tone of your writing is very monotonous. It lacks the element of excitement to it. Even though your writing style is good, you still need to work more on describing emotions just the way you describe the scenes. For example, when Seokjin forgets to take his broken guitar with him. From what was described earlier, Seokjin should have been extremely antsy and anxious considering his personality but it couldn't come out that well. Even with good vocabulary, you need to show the small ticks and behaviour people usually exhibit when they are nervous or anxious. You could have shown him bouncing his leg or chewing on his lips or something like that. 

Behaviour of a person in certain situations can help you better understand and relate to a character because it's just human nature, and we connect to what we do in real life. It adds a layer of reality to the words you are using. I hope this helps. 

Grammar :: 16/20

Your grammar is almost perfect. It's rare to come across such well written books with good grammar but there are still a few mistakes that can be easily rectified with proofreading. 

When it came to punctuation marks, there were a lot of misplaced commas. In lots of dialogues, the punctuation mark is placed within the quotation marks while the rest are outside. If you proofread, you'll notice them right away. Also, a few sentences were unnecessarily long because of the use of semicolons where a period would have sufficed or even a comma. The em dash too, some sentences didn't even need it; a comma would have been enough. So, do look through it once. 

Also some of your sentences are either extremely short or extremely long. While short sentences are okay once in a while, there are too many short sentences in your book and they make the whole thing even more monotonous. Long sentences make it hard to understand what is written because it gets complicated. Instead of going for complicated sentence structuring, try making it a little simpler though I have a feeling that you are building up your own writing style which is good but it needn't be so complicated that readers will have to read it twice before understanding. 

You need to also pay attention to sentence structuring a bit. Some of the sentences were a little weird to read, they didn't feel right. For example, this is a line from your book:

'he suddenly had begun craving them.'

According to the rules, the verb comes after the noun. So, if we write it according to it, it'll be:

'he had suddenly begun craving them.'

Or

'Suddenly, he had begun craving them.'

There are a lot of ways to write one sentence but stick to the general rules of grammar. 

Extra note :: I hope this review proves helpful and you take it positively. You've got a really good storyline and so far, you've executed it really well. With a little more work on your writing style, your book will surely be a great book in the Fanfiction category in particular. I'm looking forward to what comes next. Good luck!

Total :: 63/100