┌────────═━┈┈━═────────┐ Seesaw Review Shop Season 2.0 └────────═━┈┈━═────────┘
The right place to get honest and constructive feedback on your books whenever you want it. Everyone is welcome and we really hope...
The title was relevant to the story. It gave off the overall vibe of the story in two words. Never change it.
The blurb was packed with the right facts. It contained the initial baseline of the story without revealing too much information nor too less. It was perfect and intrigued me to further read the book.
However, the cover needs a few adjustments. It seemed overcrowded due to the universe edit behind the female lead's face. I know the universe in the cover is an important fact because the entire story takes place in a Universe set-up, but it's almost covering up the main lead's faces and ruining the overall look. Even the quote above is unnecessary so I suggest you eradicate it. Try to blur the universe a bit more and make it slightly invisible to enhance the main lead's faces.
Beginning of a new start :: 7/10
The onset chapters were very slow paced. The opening was nice but as it moved forward, the plot seemed to abruptly slow down and became quite bland due to too many descriptions. Try to remove some unnecessary scenes that you think are not quite important in order to keep the flow of the story smooth.
Concept & Plot :: 19/25
The concept wasn't something new but was definitely unique. I liked how you're highlighting the suicide fact and making a positive impact out of it. Creating a 'Love Universe' to save people from suiciding and creating those people as Guardians who had valid reasons to give up on their life; it was all very refreshing and interesting to read.
The plot, however, had many cliché aspects etched into it. Example those seven senior guardians who are the most handsome and Jin being the 'worldwide handsome' with girls swooning over him and overall Bangtan. A different approach would've been appreciated. Try to enhance the plot to make it not appear cliché.
Characters & Emotions :: 10/15
Whenever I read a story, I focus more on the character build-up and their sentiments. Your way of portraying the characters' feelings was moderate. Only the female lead's feelings were descriptively portrayed. But for the other character's, their sentiments weren't quite explored which made them look boring. Even Seokjin, the male lead's emotions were not thoroughly displayed.
The characters were cliché too. They had childish personalities despite being guardians. Their reactions to certain events were also very dissatisfied. The female lead was portrayed very naïve and weak and shy. While the male lead was shown strong and bold but became soft for the female lead. Cliché if you ask me. Even the side characters aka the BTS members had personalities that match their irl lives. I suggest you try diffusing more unique qualities into the characters to make them look more realistic.
Tone & Style :: 7/10
Your writing style needs little improvements. Some paragraphs were toi long while some were short. Try to maintain an equal size for all paragraphs to keep a proper flow while reading. The dialogues while reading gave off an empty feeling. There was no emotion felt in the dialogues. You had included a descriptive writing style which is a good thing but sometimes, unnecessary stuff were provided with descriptions and even some stuff had very long descriptions which made it boring to read. Try to keep those descriptions short and precise with all the right facts packed into it.
As I had mentioned above, due to the story being slow paced, even the toning of the story slowed down. The constant flow of the story was toned down as each chapter went by which made me tend to skip a few sentences in each paragraph.
Grammar :: 10/20
About grammar, there were many mistakes. First off, there was capital inconsistency meaning some words in many sentences were capitalized even though they shouldn't be. Tense inconsistency was also detected, for example switching some words from past tense to present tense disrupting the flow of the story. Wrong usage of ellipsis (...), wrong action tags and verbal tags and absence of colons and semi-colons detected. Your vocabulary was good, but your grammar needs a lot of improvement and practice. I suggest you read more original books/novels, the published ones, and not fanfictions in order to enhance your grammar & vocabulary.
I hope my judgement was fair enough. :)
TOTAL :: 70/100.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
