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Whisper

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Whisper
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Author :: jikook889

Reviewer :: wuwtaetae

First impression :: 9/20

» Title :: ⅖

Well, it doesn't match the book, honestly. It was just once. Jeongguk whispered once. It doesn't convey the theme of the book, didn't give me an idea on what the book was about or anything. I don't think it fits the book at all. The title has like this sensual, night club, grinding in the dark whispering filth in each other's ears kind of vibe but the book is far from it. I think you should pick something more suitable.

» Cover :: 6/10

I like the present cover more than the previous one. The previous cover, as I mentioned in the title part of the review, had this sensual vibe. With the cover and the title, I had expectations of the book because even though a club setting is cliché it wouldn't be as cliché as high school love and I was excited because of that. This cover shows that it's high school romance, conveys it but the people in the cover, they're not jikook so, some of your target audience might turn away. The font is very basic, since the book is something cute and fluffy, I think having a cute and bubbly font would have conveyed your message more.

» Blurb: ⅕

The blurb has a lot of grammatical errors which chases away picky readers from your target audience. It also leaves a bad impression on your book as the summary is one of the most important elements and it is what you show to the world. Nobody wants to watch a movie if the trailer isn't good unless and until you have an audience following. It's also very basic, and gives away too much of the plot. It just shows that the book is just your cliché high school romance. That isn't appealing at all. Most people are over clichés. But if you show something unique in your summary, make a great first impression, chances are that they'd read your book! It doesn't mean you mislead them though, summaries are literally just 'tell them what's in the book without telling them what's in the book', and titles are the shortened, one-worded version of it.

Beginning of a new start :: 2/10

So, the very first chapters. The lack of description led to the lack of understanding of the settings which led to the lack of connection between the reader and the characters. I think that says a lot. It's just very basic. The first chapters went into the story right away so I felt like it was fast paced, just too quick. Even though your chapters are short, it feels like you've compressed 2k words into only 300 words. So, it just didn't make a good impression. I wouldn't continue reading after the first chapter personally because, as I mentioned earlier, there's no connection with the characters. You should establish that from the start. As an author, you should not only build relationships with the main characters but also build a relationship with the readers and the characters. That connection happens when the readers understand the characters, when they get an insight on who they are, what their values are, what their character is, how they think, and so on. You wouldn't be interested in hearing the details of one's love story if you aren't interested in them. Show your characters. I know I'm talking about your book as a whole but it's because all elements are connected. I hope you take my advice and look at the book as a whole and then understand what's wrong, find a solution, and then apply it to your writing.

Concept and plot :: 3/25

Well, to be honest it's very, very cliché. It's the epitome of cliché. Protagonist meets the protagonist, they bump into each other, then they interact a little, jealousy happens, they have some problems and then they get together. I can literally narrate it in my sleep. This is how literally every high school fanfiction goes. There's so many of them. Give me a reason to read yours. Why should I read your book when there are others with the exact same plot? I need creativity, I expect innovation. I just need to see some variety. I want to know that you're dedicated to writing. I mean, it might be something you do for fun but still, if you're gonna publish it on a public platform with millions of readers, I think you definitely should have some creativity and innovation put into it. Plan your plot, each and every chapter. Make sure you meet what you have in mind, even if it takes like a hundred times to get there. Please, please work on creativity.

Characters and emotions :: 2/15

Well, as I've said before, you didn't show me any characters. I know nothing about them. Well, except for the fact that Taehyung is possessive and has a lot of sex, and he isn't even the protagonist. Jimin's, well, clumsy. That's all I know about him. He's the protagonist. I need to know him to develop a connection  with him. Think of Jimin as your best friend, you think you'll be able to bond with him with the little information you've written? That's exactly what it is. I say develop your characters and the emotions will come.

Tone and style :: 3/10

Tone and style. Well, your style of writing was very basic. I always appreciate basic writing but it's just, I can see that you're a beginner. Read more, describe more, work on the setting, feel what they feel, put yourself in their place. I think that as an author, you need to be empathetic because if you can't be empathetic towards your characters, if you don't feel that pang of sadness whenever they have tears streaming down their eyes, emptiness settling down their heart, if you don't feel that pang of anger when the protagonist is flirting with someone, giggling and laughing, being a little touchy when the other protagonist is there fuming with green jealousy, then I honestly don't think what you're trying to convey would be conveyed. I'm sure you can feel my anger through what I've written here. That's exactly what I want you to do. Express what the characters feel after feeling what they feel yourself so that your emotions are amplified causing your words to flow, changing the tone naturally. Empathy is the answer. It brings in the emotions, shows the characters, sets the tone, and just helps readers feel.

Grammar :: 5/20

The book has a lot of grammatical errors but the thing is, it has a lot of spelling mistakes too! Your tenses aren't proper. If you're writing, you should write in a single tense throughout the story. Fix what tense you're going to write in and be conscious of that throughout the book. I think you struggle with description so a lot of sentences seem a little redundant. Ellipsis. Three dots. Only three dots. No more, no less. Keep that in mind.

'"Jeongguk—" I paused, shocked' sounds better than "J..j… jungkook"', think about it. Nobody stutters like that. The amount of stutters— they make it very easy to judge a book. You should base your book on people in real life, things in real life, emotions in real life, and just everything in real life except for the plot so that it all seems realistic. As I've mentioned earlier, nobody stutters like that in real life, nobody realizes the fact that they're laying on someone after moments of thinking. It's just how it is.

Now, you just forget the apostrophes and write in short form. Capitalize every word at the start of the sentence. Capitalize every noun. Name, place, animals, things. Anything specific, capitalize. 'May be' isn't a word, 'maybe' is. 'ok' shouldn't be written as that but as 'OK' or 'okay'. There are literally no commas in the middle of sentences. Add a comma whenever you pause in your head. Write in docs, it points out some errors. Use Grammarly while editing, it helps correct errors even more.

Extra Note :: Honestly, it wasn't my worst read but the previous cover and the title made me have a lot of expectations. Everybody expects things, everybody judges. If you see someone tall, built, and with tattoos, you naturally think they're someone scary, while you see someone dressed like a priest, you naturally think they're holy. These are stereotypes, everybody's grown around them. Yes, they shouldn't exists but they do and we can't change them anytime soon. So when I looked at the cover and title it left an impression on me and when my expectations were not met, it's only natural for me to be disappointed. That's why I stress on not misleading. Your writing wasn't the worst I've seen and I think that in the future you'd be good. Read actual people, read actual books. If you wanna read fanfics, I suggest you try AO3 because the writing there is good. Read a lot. It will come to you. Trust yourself.

Total :: 24/100