Seesaw Review Shop 2.0

Hide and Seek

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Hide and Seek
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Author :: YoIamnicepaprika_7

Reviewer :: gukkeun

First Impression :: 9/20

» Cover :: 3/10

It doesn't match the tone of the book, the aura it's supposed to emit is missing. No signs of demons or the ghost that plays an important role in the story. It's understandable if you're trying to avoid romanticism by excluding the female lead. However, I highly propose you do so. And a demonic look for Yoongi would definitely have a better outcome. The title and border is seemingly too big, and the cover itself is plain and too simple. 

» Title :: 4/5

I love it. It's simple, though pretty common among horror based stories. It's doing its job well in carrying the story. But I'd like you to relate the story to the title more or the other way around. Other than the way they first met, you could connect Yoongi's way of killing with the term "Hide and Seek". Attractive wise, not bad. For a game that sounds plain could in fact carry a dark twisted meaning. It just needs more connection to the plot.

» Blurb :: 2/5

It's empty. There is only one line that is related to your story. And it's definitely not enough to be considered a factor that grabs attention. The only reason I'm sucked in is because of the "no romance" description. I'm very much a sucker for anything non related to romance. And the idea of "demons" and "hide and seek" had a good impression. But as I've said, one sentence isn't enough. I understand that it's a short story, but even it deserves a description that gives it more spotlight. Add the factor behind Yoongi's change in behaviour, or perhaps elaborate more on his little ghost friend? Juice out the ideas. Blurbs are just as important as the storyline.

Beginning of a new start :: 4/10

The pace is really fast. However, it's not the pace of the story that's affecting the reading experience, it's the lack of details. I understood everything perfectly, I won't lie about that. You have to work more on the detailing to have the pace running smoothly. I want to know how Yoongi kills, the technique he uses, how Youra pulls him into her world of blood and kill. That's the information your story is lacking. You planned the content of each chapter perfectly, you just need to add more story behind every scene; more elaboration. Certain sentence structures are out of place as well.

Concept and plot :: 19/25

The concept of the story is very intriguing. But I have to focus on the realistic sense of certain events. One of it being the police believing Hoseok and Namjoon way too easily. They were blabbering about seeing nonsensical things regarding Yoongi. Now, the police officer could agree with the psychopath statement Hoseok had generously provided. But in a sense, would their statements alone be enough? Namjoon pointed out the obvious, but unfortunately it isn't believable enough. Hoseok came in and only provided information regarding Yoongi's background, he couldn't be considered a witness. In the police's eyes, they could've conspired against Yoongi and made up ridiculous statements about him. Unless Namjoon had evidence, there really isn't anything much to work with here. 

The rest of the story is believable. However, there's one part I have to mention. The court proceedings, as you have mentioned, are most likely wrong. You don't know how it truly goes in real life and everything just makes it more fiction. We're not aiming to make the story fiction here. We want it to be as realistic as possible. It may be one scene in a whole entire story, but believe me, when you focus on building small scenes like these and work hard to learn the proper way of how the court works, the quality rises. No doubt. In a world of fantasies, not everything should be fantasized. If you genuinely don't know a trial goes, let your readers help you out. There is no shame asking for help if they noticed any mistakes in your writing. Or else, just avoid writing the scene altogether and have a time skip.

Pushing all these errors aside, story-wise your book is refreshing to read. It has a lot of potential to expand and I'm glad you have a second part of the series published. Who knows? I might give it a shot. Each chapter contains an important scene to the storyline, and that pushes us to read more until the story ends. And that still isn't enough to quench the thirst as a reader. The ending is a cliffhanger, but it leaves readers wanting more. What happened between Yoongi and Jin? Did Yoongi truly stay in prison for ten years? These unanswered questions are what you needed to have loyal readers to the whole series, and you've executed it perfectly. 

Characters and emotions :: 4/15

There's not enough story behind Youra. She's clearly a main character and deserves the spotlight, which she owns next to Yoongi, but I don't know enough about her to judge. I want to know her background, how she lived her life before she discovered her thirst for blood. Youra is likable despite not having a background story, so do add on to her character.

Add more story behind Yoongi's childhood. His bullying habits, the way kids stayed clear of him; anything. Character development can only be seen once we recognize the life one has gone through in the past. That's how readers truly understand the way he sees things. Despite his hunger for kills, Yoongi can still hold a special place in one's heart. You need to captivate readers through his personality, let them know his emotions and his thoughts. That's the one thing he's lacking. 

Tone and style :: 5/10

Avoid placing author notes in the middle of the story. It's informal and very unprofessional. And do avoid using hangul words. That only shows that your characters are speaking in English instead of Korean. The tone of the story overall is even and very well executed. But as I've said before, it lacks details. There isn't much story behind Yoongi's doings or even Youra. Your writing style has room for more improvements. You can begin by expanding your vocabulary, length of each paragraph and adding more quality content into every event the plot holds.

Grammar :: 10/20

A couple of things to look out for. There's the constant change between tenses. Stick to one and make it consistent throughout the chapters. Look out for the ellipsis as well. Prevent using the wrong amount of dots. An ellipsis only has three dots, not two, five, but three. Or four on special occasions, but to be on the safer side, as I've said, only have three. I'll have to point out the incorrect usage of dialogue tags. Check any of the reviews I've written before, I provided a detailed guide on how they work. Certain sentence structures need to be fixed, that is, use the proper words accurately. Some descriptions were too wordy and deemed unnecessary. Provide enough information for the readers to imagine the scenario, but don't overdo it.

Extra Note :: The story has plenty of potential. It's simple, but indulging. I know just how far the concept could be expanded. Work on the way you carry out the storyline. Detailing is a must. Description could do some work. Grammar can be fixed easily. Don't let go of what I've said earlier. Provide the best for your readers and you'll gain recognition.

Total :: 51/100