Ocean's Kiss (Isla De Verde Series #1)

Chapter 31

Kinabukasan ay pumunta si Aling Pacita sa bahay namin. May dala itong tupperware na may lamang kanin at ulam. Wala akong ganang kumilos para kumain o kahit maligo man lang. Parang tinakasan ako ng lakas sa bawat araw na namumuhay ako.

Isang linggo na ang nakakalipas simula noong mawala ang mga magulang ko. Nanatili ako rito sa Isla. Hindi ako bumalik sa Maynila. I don't have the reason to go back there anymore. I don't want to go back either. Ano pa ba ang babalikan ko ro'n? I don't have Alon. Felicity is nowhere to be found and my parents are gone. I'm all alone.

Yung akala ko na taong nand'yan para sa akin sa mga oras na kailangan ko siya, pinili ang ibang babae. I don't want to be a bad person anyway, I'll let him. He said that Luna is dying without knowing that I'm dying too. To be exact, I'm already dead and no one knows but me.

I've realized that there's no one in this world that could love us more than we could love ourselves. We don't need to be a bad person and force ourselves to anyone. If they don't want us, then don't. Don't push it more, just pull out.

"Oceane, anak, kumain ka na..." ani Aling Pacita matapos ihanda ang pagkain sa lamesa. Tulala lamang ako sa kawalan. Pakiramdam ko ay gusto ko na namang maiyak dahil sa pagtawag niya ng anak sa akin. I can just remember my parents calling me that.

Mahina akong umiling-iling habang nakayuko.

"Wala po akong gana, Aling Pacita..." I murmured. Narinig ko ang bahagya niyang pagbuntong hininga.

She sat on the chair near me. Hinawakan niya rin ang braso ko at hinimas iyon na para bang pinapagaan niya ang aking loob.

"Alam kong masakit, hija. Alam ko. Nararamdam ko yung sakit na nararamdaman mo dahil nawalan din ako e..." Nilingon ko ang direksyon niya at nakitang namumula ang mga mata nito na para bang nagpipigil ng iyak.

"Pero, Oceane, hindi habang buhay kailangan natin manatili sa nakaraan. Kailangan nating umusad kahit sobrang sakit at ang tanging naiisip na lamang natin ay ang huminto at sumuko," aniya.

I can feel the tears escaping my eyes. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of the pain that I'm trying to hide. It's succumbing my being. The sadness that's creeping inside me is just so unavoidable. I can't conceal them even how much I tried to.

Iginaya ako ni Aling Pacita sa kan'yang mga bisig at hinagkan. Mas lalong lumakas ang aking pag-iyak. Nami-miss ko na ang yakap ni Nanay sa akin. I miss Tatay too. I miss the both of them.

When they died, the memories of us three started to flashback on my mind. It keeps on haunting me every night.

Walang araw na hindi ako nagigising sa kalagitnaan ng gabi para lamang umiyak ng umiyak dahil lagi ko silang naaalala. If I only knew that would be the last time that I could talk to them, sana mas pinatagal ko pa ang pag-uusap namin sa telepono. Sana hindi ko nalang sila hinayaan na mag-deliver ng isda kung alam ko lang na aabutan sila ng landslide 'di ba? But how would I know about it? Life is unpredictable. Death is inevitable. Only God knows when will be our time is.

I can't also put the blame on natural disaster that has happened. How would I know that it will happen, anyway? Marami rin ang namatay dahil sa landslide at may ibang residente na sugatan at ang iba ay comatose sa ospital. I can't say that I'm the only one who can feel the same pain because we all are. The only difference is, the level of intensity.

Matapos no'n ay pinilit ko ang sariling kumain kahit iilan lamang ang nagawa kong pagsubo ng kanin at ulam. I really can't move even a single action. I feel so drain. My body won't cooperate with me even my mind is telling me to stand up and survive my silent battles. This is just an obstacle, there are still better days waiting for me. I know. I would know.