Into The Fire [H.S.]

55

Hattie Anne Styles.

L.W. is what Bae calls her.

She's perfect.

She has his curls, his eyes, his dimples. His seriousness.

She only giggles or laughs if I tell her stories about him.

She's almost one.

Time has passed by so quickly.

I'm loving every minute of being a mother.

Even if she just started walking and is getting into fucking everything.

Mu loves being a big brother.

We spend a lot of time outside.

In the water. On the sand. Laying in the grass in the garden.

Hattie loves it outside.

She loves the ocean.

She loves the sound of the waves.

She's such a good baby.

She does have a temper.

She gets so mad, so quickly.

She's so much like Harry it hurts sometimes.

"Hattie, don't wreck my castle."

I shake my head at her.

She giggles. Then smashes both her hands down into the sand castle I've been constructing.

"You little shit."

The nickname sends a pang of hurt to my heart.

It's been a year.

How has it already been a year without him?

I don't see him anymore.

Which... Sometimes... I wish I still did.

I used to see him everywhere.

In my coffee.

In the mirror.

In the dollop of shampoo I squirted into my palm.

At the grocery store.

If I went out driving.

When I took Mu for a walk.

He haunted me.

Now I only see him when I look into Hattie's eyes.

Hattie is starting to get destructive. She is now dumping pail fulls of sand onto Mu's head.

Which means she needs a nap.

I scoop her into my arms. "That's not nice." I shake my head at her. "What did Mu ever do to you?"

I grab our things and make our way through the sand back up to our home.

The stone walkway into the main house is one of my favorite features.

It was the reason I bought the place.

That and the skate ramp in the garden.

Plants line either side of the walk way, it's completely open. Which I absolutely love.

I can smell the sand when I'm in the house.

Smell the salt.

It's become home.

Mu follows along behind us.

We stop by the back garden, and I rinse both of us off in the outside shower in front of the pool.