are we meant to be?

part 56

you: josh? j can i come in?

he doesn't answer so i open the door. he's sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. i go sit next to him and place my hand on his shirtless back. his hair is still dripping a bit from being in the pool.

you: j

he sits up and tugs on his hair.

josh: i'm the fucking reason that your not mine

he stands up still tugging on his hair.

josh: and i have no right to be mad because i'm the one that broke up with you. but i am mad.

i just sit there looking at him.

josh: i- if i would've never let you go then you could still be mine. a- and i never would've had to let you go i- if i was just good enough for you.

a tear rolls down his face and he quickly wipes it away.

josh: i- i don't wanna be just friends. i only agreed to it because i miss you. i fucking miss you. a- and i thought that if w- we could be friends again... i could have you back

josh doesn't usually cry. i've only seen him do it a few times. once over something with his family, and twice when dixie or chase hurt me. and one or two times when we were talking about break ups. i get up and go over to him, pulling his head down onto my shoulder.

you: you know i love you right?

i feel him nod as i feel tears on my shoulder.

you: maybe there is a chance for us one day in the future- but right now i'm happy. i'm doing good for the first time in a long time. and it's not because we aren't together. it's because i've had some time to figure out who i am. you are good for me and for anyone else.

he lifts his head and looks at me. his eyes are red.

josh: how the hell will we be together again if you like girls now?

i sit on the bed and have him sit next to me.

you: i'm bi. i like girls and guys.
josh: s- so i still have a chance?

i laugh.

you: of course

i lean my head on his shoulder.

you: i- is me being bi gonna change how you feel about me?
josh: hell no. i love you no matter what. so um who all knows about you-
you: just lauren bryce and you. that's it. i haven't worked up the nerve to tell charli dixie or any of my family.
josh: they'll understand.

he pulls me into a tight hug.

you: m- maybe you should move on. for now at least
josh: i've tried. i don't wanna move on.

we hug again and i kiss his cheek.

josh: so earlier when you said i just wanted to see you in a bikini- i mean- you weren't wrong

we laugh and i hit his arm.

josh: it's true

we laugh and hug once more before going downstairs. i go over to lauren.

lauren: so is everything good?
you: everything's great

i look to where josh is standing and i smile.

.................