are we meant to be?

part 97

my songs have been a huge fucking hit. especially pain. i'm going on ellen today. big step. i know. i'm scared for my fucking life. jaden is coming on with me at least so that's good. him and i are waiting backstage.

jaden: you good?
you: ya. i- it's my first live performance though
jaden: we've been rehearsing for 2 weeks. your gonna nail it
you: what i- if i stutter o- or-
jaden: you'll do amazing. want me to go get josh or charli or anyone real quick?
you: mads

he nods and runs to grab mads.

mads: you ok?
you: how do you handle modeling and posting your pictures? everyone sees. or when you model for a crowd- how do you not mess up??
mads: well i try not to be too focused. sometimes if you are, you tend to mess up. idk. just focus but also let go
you: ok

i hug her and then jaden and i are called on stage. i take a deep breath and smile.

ellen: now please give a warm welcome to carson shepard and jaden hossler!!!!

there's applause as jaden and i get in our places. jadens at the piano and i'm standing to the right of him. first we're doing if you love me let me go.

...

there's applause then jaden and i do a quick wardrobe change. then we go out. jadens at the piano again but this time i'm sitting on top of it.

...

ellen: that was amazing you two!!

now is the interview portion where we sit and talk.

you: thank you. i couldn't have done it without jaden
ellen: well you two seem like quite the pair
jaden: just friends, that is
ellen: ah. i see. so carson what were your inspirations for your songs?
you: so if you love me let me go, it was a rough time. my boyfriend had just broken up withh by me and i was mad. his words when we broke up were if you love me let me go. most of the other lyrics jaden came up with from past relationships.
ellen: and pain?
you: that was from... uh- two of my bestfriends passed away in that plane crash right after christmas
ellen: i am so sorry
you: thanks. it was pretty hard on all of us.

jaden nods.

ellen: so your so young. how do you handle all of this fame?
you: it's hard. not as much the game but more of that everyone knows when something is up. i've had issues with my boyfriend and it just sucks having to make break up videos and stuff. like we want people to know what's going on but it's a lot. people judge and shit
ellen: ah. so i'm sorry if i'm overstepping here but would you mind elaborating on the situation downtown a while ago?
you: ya. um that was right after our friends passed. so i'm assuming everyone has figured out that i have depression and anxiety and everything. so when i did that, those things kinda just took over. luckily my sister and boyfriend persuaded me to come down. and i don't mind talking about it. i'd rather speak on my mental health. i like being kinda open with that to like raise awareness and stuff if you know what i mean.

after a few more questions for me and a couple for jaden, we're done. we go back stage and i'm finally at ease when my boyfriend wraps me in his warm arms. his soft lips touch my head

josh: your so damn amazing

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