are we meant to be?

part 94

josh's pov~

carson angrily leaves the house and i just stand there staring at the ring that she just gave back. is this the end of us? i cant lose her too. i've lost bryce addison and my dad. i cant lose carson. she's the thing that keeps me sane. the thing that hurts most of all are the very last words she said.

"i hate you"

when most people say it, they don't mean it. it's just something they say in a moment of anger. but not this. i can tell she wasn't just saying it. carson has never told anyone she hates them. not dixie when she bullied carson and body shamed her. not chase after he abused and raped her. not her parents after they lied to her for 18 years about being adopted. but she said she hates me. i really fucked up. she's the person i wanna marry. the woman i want to be the mother of my kids. the one i spend the rest of my life with. i ruined all of that. what the fuck is wrong with me?!?!

josh: FUCK!

i just yell, beating myself up. once i'm done packing bryce's room i go put the ring on my desk. i need her back. i was wrong. i do want her. more than anything. and i need her, more than anyone. she's not gonna take me back now though. what in hell am i supposed to do?

...

carson's pov~

once i get to the apartment i rant to charli about how much of a dick josh is.

charli: your not upset?
you: why should i be? he pushed me away. he doesn't want me meaning i don't want him. and he had no fucking right to move bryce's stuff.
charli: ya i kinda get that. he shouldn't have moved it.

we sit down on the couch talking and watching tv most of the day. that night i go up to my room to get changed. i open my closet and drawers just to see them be filled with josh's clothes. if he doesn't want me then i don't want his shit. i get every single last thing of his including the toothbrush shampoo and conditioner he keeps here. i load all the clothing into a giant garbage bag and the other stuff i put in a little bag thing. it's all in my car and i'm driving to sway.

...

i ring the doorbell and blake answers.

blake: hey carson
you: hey. josh here?
blake: ya

i step inside holding the giant bag and the small one.

you: JOSHUA!

josh comes running down the stairs.

josh: carson?

i roll my eyes

josh: can we talk things- what's in the bags

i throw the big one at him. he catches it and looks inside then at me.

you: and here's your other shit. you didn't want me, so i don't want your shit

i hand him the other bag and he seems disappointed. why? he was the one that yelled at me for trying to be there for him.

..................